House M.D. (TV Series)

Recession Proof (2011)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

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Quotes 

• Dr. Gregory House : I've made a decision... Being happy and being in love with you... makes me a crappy doctor.

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Shut up! You're too drunk to end this relationship.

  Dr. Gregory House : I am drunk, and I am also right. You have made me a worse doctor, and people are going to die because of that... and you... are *totally* worth it. If I had to choose between... between saving everyone or loving you, being happy. I choose you. I choose being happy with you. I will always choose you.

• Dr. Gregory House : My head is on your vagina.

• Dr. James Wilson : You never do anything unless it stands to benefit you...

  Dr. Gregory House : I realize that three failed marriages can leave a man twisted and bitter inside, but in a good relationship, sometimes people do things for each other.

  Dr. James Wilson : A hundred says you don't show up.

  Dr. Gregory House : You're giving me incentive to actually show up? A personal selfish incentive?

  Dr. James Wilson : I'm just making easy money. 200.

  Dr. Gregory House : ...How high did Cuddy authorize you to go?

  Dr. James Wilson : Heh. She - she - three. She really wants you there.

  Dr. Gregory House : Why do people believe I'm incapable of doing something nice?

  Dr. James Wilson : Experience.

• Dr. Gregory House : All of them are gone, Wilson. They're all dead, because I'm screwed up.

  Dr. James Wilson : You lost one patient, and it wasn't your fault.

  Dr. Gregory House : What about that mom who gave her baby cancer? If I'd figured that one out quicker, she'd still be a mom, alive.

  Dr. James Wilson : She refused treatment when it was offered. How is that your fault?

  Dr. Gregory House : Then there was that guy I spent a day trapped in isolation with. I was 5 feet away the whole time. Just watched him die, like an idiot.

  Dr. James Wilson : Yeah. You've lost patients before, and you'll lose patients again.

  Dr. Gregory House : Exactly. Why?... Because love and happiness are nothing but distractions.

• Dr. Gregory House : I RSVP'd two days ago. What? Do you think I'm a complete ass?

  Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [Cuddy walks away. Then stops and turns around]  If you were already going why did you - ?

  Dr. Gregory House : Foreplay.

• Dr. Robert Chase : File says he's a Real Estate Developer. Could've been exposed to something visiting a construction site.

  Martha Masters : He's lying.

  [Everyone stares at Masters] 

  Martha Masters : He's not an executive. I saw his hands. There covered with calluses and cuts. He works with them - a lot.

  Dr. Gregory House : Stand up.

  [Masters slowly rises. House hugs her] 

  Martha Masters : Oh.

  Dr. Gregory House : Our little girl is finally growing up. I mean you dream of this day, and when it finally happens... So what did Mr. Meathook say when you called him a liar?

  Martha Masters : I didn't.

  Dr. Gregory House : Baby steps. Go down there and do it.

• Dr. Gregory House : Cuddy is getting an award. I think we should all be there. Show our support.

  Dr. Eric Foreman : I assume you're planning on screwing it up, so you want to maximize witnesses.

  Dr. Gregory House : Why does everyone go there?

  Dr. Eric Foreman : Experience.

  Dr. Gregory House : Shut up!... How about go or work at the Clinic all weekend? I hear it's "Genital Herpes Awareness" month.

• Dr. Gregory House : [Have a meeting in the bathroom while Foreman and Taub are doing their business]  Swollen joints, high white count, fever, conjunctivitis. Anyone?

  Dr. Eric Foreman , Dr. Chris Taub : Seriously?

  Dr. Gregory House : What? You can't think and poop at the same time? There's a life at stake here.

• Dr. James Wilson : You okay?

  Dr. Gregory House : Why wouldn't I be? Solved my case.

  Dr. James Wilson : But your patient died.

  Dr. Gregory House : I didn't say in time. It happens. Can't save everyone.

• Dr. Gregory House : The only thing my relationship with Cuddy does for me is make me a worse doctor.

  Dr. James Wilson : [Chuckling]  Right. The great Doctor House doesn't deserve to be happy. You know it's not true.

  Dr. Gregory House : My happiness is being paid for with other people's lives.

• Dr. Chris Taub : We found Vicodin in his office.

  Dr. Gregory House : Give it to me... Might look like Vicodin, might be something else.

  [Slight pause, then Foreman tosses the bottle to House. House examines a pill] 

  Dr. Gregory House : It's real. Unfortuneately... Because Vicodin doesn't cause rash, fever and joint pain. Does make Taub considerably less annoying.

• Dr. Gregory House : [about the Charity Gala]  I want to make this more exciting. Something she'll remember for more than 10 minutes.

  Dr. James Wilson : Okay. By fun and exciting you mean, screwing things up for Cuddy. So she won't even *dream* of asking you to go to one again.

  Dr. Gregory House : You really can't stand to me happy, can you?

• Dr. James Wilson : [House has a mariachi band in his office]  What are you doing?

  Dr. Gregory House : What does it look like I'm doing? Auditioning the band for Friday night.

  Dr. James Wilson : So you're trying to ruin Cuddy's moment in the spotlight?

  Dr. Gregory House : Ruin? These guys recorded with Juan Gabriel. They're gonna cost me two grand. This isn't a prank. These guys are the beginning of Cuddy's evening to remember which in turn will make my evening...

  Dr. James Wilson : I think if you do this, your evening will end with you alone in your apartment with a sock.