House M.D. (TV Series)

Carrot or Stick (2011)

Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

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Quotes 

• Dr. Chris Taub : Why are you putting hot sauce on a toy?

  Dr. Gregory House : Maybe you don't care if children chew on your caterpillar. I think it's wrong.

• Dr. Gregory House : Cath him, and see what's stopping him from emptying his bilge. Oh, not you, Chase. Sending Captain Micropenis to deal with what's probably normal-sized equipment? That's too cruel even for me.

• Dr. Gregory House : Well done, Chase. Now turn off your phone.

  Dr. Robert Chase : You heard that? It's on vibrate.

  Dr. Gregory House : I'm assuming it's been ringing almost non-stop since you changed your status update to, "Nothing lights my fire like a lady-of-size. Less than three bills, don't bother calling." Followed by your cell number.

• Dr. Gregory House : Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. Problem is Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.

  Dr. James Wilson : And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.

  Dr. Gregory House : Cuddy cares about her, which means when Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. Then, as a boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive and consoling.

  Dr. James Wilson : Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.

  Dr. Gregory House : "Play date" being their code for "way to weed out the paste sandwiches." They'll hand her puzzles and counting games and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces.

  Dr. James Wilson : [House gets a hint and walks away]  Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker.

  Dr. Gregory House : Thanks for the advice.

• Dr. Gregory House : She seems so dumb. But when the pressure was on, she knew what had to be done and she did it.