My Family (TV Series)
Wheelie Ben (2010)
Robert Lindsay: Ben Harper
Quotes
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Ben Harper : Susan! Look! I d... This is a miracle! A miracle! I'm getting money... from the council! Cheques!
Susan Harper : Let me see!
Ben Harper : Mmhmm!
Susan Harper : [Looks at the cheques] These are benefit cheques. They think you're disabled.
Ben Harper : I know!
Susan Harper : Mentally.
Ben Harper : ...and physically.
Susan Harper : That's crazy.
Ben Harper : I know!
Susan Harper : Well, you'll just have to give them back.
Ben Harper : No, I don't!
Susan Harper : What?
Ben Harper : How do we know they've made a mistake?
Susan Harper : Well, we know because you're not disabled!
Ben Harper : I have a weak shoulder.
Susan Harper : I have a distressed toenail, but I'm not taking £384 off the taxpayer for it.
Ben Harper : Karma works in very funny ways, Susan. Perhaps this money is coming to me for being a good person.
Susan Harper : The kind of good person that steals from the disabled?
Ben Harper : You have a horrible negativity about you sometimes that really brings people down!
Susan Harper : Well, I'm sure I'll cheer up once you're incarcerated for fraud!
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Ben Harper : I sometimes wonder whose side you're on.
Susan Harper : Well, we're always facing each other - what's that tell you?
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Ben Harper : What is the point of having an announcement telling people which desk to go to when you're the only person working here?
Council Official : Did you come here specifically to ask that, sir?
Ben Harper : No, but it's a fair point.
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Susan Harper : What are you grinning about? It's really disconcerting!
Ben Harper : I'm smiling because I'm thinking how happy you're going to be with me when you see your present!
Susan Harper : Putting sealant around the bath does not qualify as a present.
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Rosemary : And I've arranged for a physio to come round on Wednesdays to give you some deep tissue massage.
Ben Harper : Oh, there's really no need.
Rosemary : She can be here at 5.
Ben Harper : She? I'll be ready!
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Ben Harper : Let's face it, baby! We're on a runaway train heading fast out of town! And the only way to keep going is to keep stoking that engine or it's a one-way ticket to the clanger for both of us!
Susan Harper : I haven't a clue what you just said!
Ben Harper : Me neither!