- Eric Northman: [Both are chained to a pyre] Any idea how to get us out of this one, Your Majesty?
- Bill Compton: You could summon Pam.
- Eric Northman: You could summon Jessica.
- Bill Compton: Hmmph.
- Eric Northman: Oh, so you'd sacrifice my progeny, but not your own? How very unkingly of you.
- Bill Compton: I liked you better when you were brain damaged.
- Nan Flanagan: How about your little fairy waitress. Oh come on, the mind reading, the microwave fingers. You didn't think I knew what she was? There are at least a couple of thousand vampires that would do almost anything to get a taste of her blood.
- Eric Northman: She smells fantastic, but it's hardly worth dying for.
- Nan Flanagan: I saw the way you both looked at her, hungry puppy dogs slobbering over the same juicy bone.
- Bill Compton: [Stakes Nan] We are not fucking puppy dogs.
- Eric Northman: What a bitch.
- Pam De Beaufort: I'm so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her unbelievably stupid name! Fuck Sookie! I've been with Eric over 100 years. I've watched him seduce supermodels and princesses and... Spit out their bones when he is finished. How can someone named Sookie take him away from me?
- Sookie Stackhouse: I can't stand this anymore; it's like being ripped in half. No matter what I do somebody gets hurt.
- Bill Compton: Sookie I just want you to be happy and if being happy and if being with Eric is what makes you happy, then you have my blessing.
- Eric Northman: See, it's OK Sookie, Bill's fine with it. Bill had his chance; he blew it. He lied to you.
- Sookie Stackhouse: ...to protect me, and I lied to him to protect you and you've lied to both of us so many time, we can't count. What a mess.
- Sookie Stackhouse: Tara, do you think Gran's in heaven?
- Tara Thornton: Well, I've always considered myself to be an atheist. But if heaven does exist, I'm pretty sure Adele Stackhouse would be like the president of it.
- Sookie Stackhouse: You carry salt in your purse?
- Holly Cleary: Yeah, and sage and a lock of my Aunt Josie's hair. It's like a Wiccan first aid kit. Hey, any of you two got a mirror?
- [Sookie passes one]
- Holly Cleary: Thanks.
- Tara Thornton: You ever done anything like this before?
- Holly Cleary: Goddess, no. Usually, I just light a candle and ask the spirits to make sure my boys don't end up in jail or knock somebody up.
- [Sookie and Tara look alarmed]
- Holly Cleary: But so far, that's worked out okay.
- Arlene Fowler: Okay, ya know, I'll bus the tables, pour the drinks... Serve the food and take out the damn garbage. You know, no problem! 'Cause, you know, clearly, I'm the only one who works here anymore. Flaky skanks.
- Nan Flanagan: I wish for one fucking night you could experience the litany of bullshit I've had to deal with. Then you'd have some idea of how little I give a fuck about your small town witch infestation. Or your whole backwoods kingdom, for that matter.
- Bill Compton: As someone who cares so little, you seem awfully pissed off.
- Nan Flanagan: Do I, Bill? Maybe that's because I quit my fucking job!
- Eric Northman: You quit the AVL?
- Nan Flanagan: And the Authority.
- Bill Compton: No one quits the Authority.
- Nan Flanagan: Quit, fired, same difference.
- Bill Compton: We assumed *we* were the ones to be terminated.
- Nan Flanagan: Oh, there's been an order issued on your heads. My last duty was supposed to be delivering the true death to both of you. Of course, I realized I'd be next. I have been alive for 816 years. I refuse to be retired like a fat first wife!
- Sam Merlotte: Thank you for coming. It would have meant a lot to my brother.
- Maxine Fortenberry: He said... "Sam shooting me was the best thing that ever happened to me, Ms. Fortenberry. Cause it brought me to you and the Lord." Oh... Sweet boy. 'Course, then he stole a bunch of my clothes and jewelry. Even a pair of my underpants. And my favorite church shoes.
- Jason Stackhouse: I had sex with Jessica.
- [Hoyt laughs]
- Jason Stackhouse: I ain't joking. I wish I was, but I ain't.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: How?
- Jason Stackhouse: Kind of a weird question to ask, man. But if you really want to know, uh... Missionary, then doggie, then her on top. I mean, it was nothin' too kinky...
- [Hoyt punches him]
- Arlene Fowler: [about her and Terry's Halloween costumes] We're zombies. Zombies are the new vampires. Didn't you know that?
- Terry Bellefleur: I heard you were dead.
- Patrick Devins: I heard you were crazy.
- Terry Bellefleur: Well, yeah. That, that's still true.