The Hard Times of RJ Berger (TV Series)

Pilot (2010)

Paul Iacono: R.J. Berger

Quotes 

• Lily Miran : Did I tell you I have a date with Raven on Friday?

  R.J. Berger : Wait, wait, I'm sorry. You're going out with the Dark Knight? That kid is, like, five feet of pure Columbine.

  Lily Miran : Jealous?

  Miles Jenner : What, is he takin' you to the cemetery? You guys gonna drink some absinthe, maybe read from the Twilight books?

  Lily Miran : Actually, he's taking me to Jenny Swanson's party, assholes. And, I wouldn't have to slum it with freshman Goths if you would just man up and take my offer, RJ. Any time, any place, any orifice.

• Miles Jenner : You ass hole! I can't believe you've never told me! Here I am, looking for our Golden Ticket - it's been draped over your balls this whole time!

  R.J. Berger : Miles...

  Miles Jenner : Let me see that beautiful bastard, I wanna kiss it.

  R.J. Berger : Miles, come on man...

  Miles Jenner : Just the tip, just like this -

  [Miles sticks his finger in his mouth and makes a popping noise] 

  Miles Jenner : Totally non-gay.

  R.J. Berger : Miles!

• Max Owens : [after RJ taps him on the shoulder]  What the f*** do you want?

  R.J. Berger : [RJ puts his hand down his shorts and rubs his privates, then wipes his hand on Max's face]  -Thats- how a man smells, bitch.