Psych (TV Series)

Romeo and Juliet and Juliet (2010)

Timothy Omundson: Carlton Lassiter

Quotes 

• Shawn Spencer : [Lassiter enters City Hall]  And just what are you doing here?

  Carlton Lassiter : [Lying about coming to see Juliet]  The mayor asked to see me.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Clearly we don't believe that.

  Carlton Lassiter : You're free to believe what you want.

  Shawn Spencer : Please don't say that to Gus. Now he'll just tell you that Michael Jackson isn't dead.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : He learned how to fake his dead from Lisa Marie.

  Shawn Spencer : Which implies that Elvis is still alive.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Elvis died two years ago. Is there no end to your gullibility? I told you that two years ago. He was a cashier in a shoe shop, Shawn.

  Shawn Spencer : No, Gus, no. No. I'm not having this conversation with you now or ever.

• Carlton Lassiter : Way to go, Spencer. You are not on this case.

  Shawn Spencer : What? Lassie, we've clearly crossed a threshold. Tomorrow, we should wear matching jumpsuits, nay, T-shirts. I'll be Thing 1, you be Thing 2.

• Shawn Spencer : Wait, before you go, one question. Who would counterfit a 50-cent piece? Hong Kong. Nine-seventy-eight dynasty.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [correcting pronunciation]  1978.

  Shawn Spencer : Ooh, that makes so much more sense.

  Carlton Lassiter : You can't seriously tell me you think the Triads are involved in this?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Triads?

  Shawn Spencer : Athletes.

  Carlton Lassiter : Chinese gangs.

  Shawn Spencer : Athletic gangs of Chinese men.

  Carlton Lassiter : Very serious gangs.

  Shawn Spencer : How do we speak with these Triads?

  Carlton Lassiter : You don't speak with them. They're an underground society.

  Shawn Spencer : You're saying I need to make an appointment.

  Carlton Lassiter : Spencer, look, there are different gangs within the Triads. What are we talking about? Are we talking about the Golden Triad? The Dragon Triad?

  Shawn Spencer : Regular. I think we're primarily interested in medium. Venti.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Venti is large.

  Shawn Spencer : Well, then not venti. We'll speak with both gangs.

  Carlton Lassiter : No. Spencer you will stay away from these people. They are legitimately dangerous, and those two gangs have been on the verge of war for years. Now, if you'll excuse me, the free information train has left the station. You'll just have to figure it all out for yourself.

  Shawn Spencer : Please. Like we can't do that.