- Philip J. Fry: [about a piece of currency being fake] Duh! It says Colony of Maffasuchets.
- Bender: [Snorts] More like Tax-a-ffusechets.
- Benjamin Franklin: That's just how we print the s's, you ftupid fhitheads!
- [first lines]
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! Remember when you asked to see my family tree?
- Leela/Bender/Zoidberg/Hermes/Amy/Fry: [all respond simultaneously] No.
- [last lines]
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: From Chester A. Arthur to Chester Z. Arthur, they're all here. Our republic, and the Farnsworth family name are saved. And no one will ever know.
- [camera pans to collection of historical American flags, including one with Bender that reads "Bite my fhiny metal aff". Bender laughs evilly]
- Amy Wong: [after Zoidberg licks Lyndon Johnson's head, he, Amy and Farnsworth are sent back in time to a gallery] I know this place. It's the 1960s. I learned all about it in my drug-taking class.
- Andy Warhol: Hello. I'm Andy Warhol, and you are some kind of fabulous lobster man.
- Dr. Zoidberg: Right on! Tell me, is there any real soup, or just this schlock?
- [Zoidberg, Amy and Farnsworth are sent back to their time]
- Andy Warhol: What a horrible bore.
- Philip J. Fry: Where are we? Also, when are we?
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Manhattan, 68th and Broadway, Colonial times.
- [Camera pulls back to show them standing on an empty field, as a cow walks down a road]
- Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Rush hour.