Community (TV Series)

The Psychology of Letting Go (2010)

Joel McHale: Jeff Winger

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jeff Winger : I can't believe I made out with both of you.

• Jeff Winger : Guys, guys, guys. Did we learn nothing from last Christmas? I don't see much difference between Pierce's religion and anybody else's.

  Annie Edison : Well, then you're not listening, because his has lasers!

  Jeff Winger : Look, you guys make fun of me for not caring about religion. But at least I'm dedicated enough to not caring to let you have your own beliefs. Can't Pierce have his? Can't you be cool like me?

  [picks up his phone] 

  Jeff Winger : Hello?

  Troy Barnes : He ends so many of his speeches that way.

• Jeff Winger : I treat my body like a temple!

  Male Nurse Jackie : Well, I can't be the first person to tell you that the temple doesn't last forever. I mean, it's made of hamburger. This is a... This is a temple of doom. And you know what? Like the real temple of doom, it represents the inconvenient fact that all good things - be they people or movie franchises - eventually collapse into sagging, sloppy, rotten piles of hard to follow nonsense.

  Jeff Winger : I need to be alone.

  Male Nurse Jackie : Uh, you can do that by leaving.

  Jeff Winger : [screams off-camera]  There is no God!

• Professor Ian Duncan : Greetings, class. I am Dr. Ian Duncan. Now, I don't normally teach Anthropology, but apparently, Professor Bauer tried to strangle Mr. Winger and has been put on administrative leave with pay. So, what is anthropology?

  [pauses] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : Seriously, does anyone know? You, in the boobs.

  Annie Edison : It's the study of humanity.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Wow. Wow, I thought Psychology was a racket.

  Ben Chang : Well, well. I heard there was a drunk limey teaching this class.

  Professor Ian Duncan : I'm not actually drunk and I can prove it. I blew beneath the legal limit just this morning.

  Jeff Winger : That's reassuring.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Also I would like everyone here to know that this man assaulted me last year. And I have a restraining order, so I can have him expelled if he comes within...

  Ben Chang : [holding up a tape measure]  Twenty-five feet. Abed.

  Abed Nadir : Yep.

  [Abed pulls the tape from Chang twenty-five feet to Duncan] 

  Ben Chang : Proceed, Dr. Teeth.

• Jeff Winger : I could eat powdered bran every day while you suck down figgy pudding and I still might die first. It's not fair. I want my donuts back!

• Professor Ian Duncan : So where did we get to yesterday?

  Jeff Winger : We were talking about humanity, which starts with birth and ends with death.

  Professor Ian Duncan : True, all life ends in death, which we as a species are cursed with knowing, resulting in...

  [writes the word on the blackboard] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : something. Again, this is really not my field.

  Jeff Winger : Professor, what would you say might be the difference between a religion and a cult?

  Professor Ian Duncan : Why don't we open that to the floor since I don't know and the book for this class is expensive?

  Jeff Winger : Well, I would say a cult might, for instance, sell you a tube of Jell-O and tell you your mother is in it.

  Shirley Bennett : [scoldingly]  Jeffrey!

  Professor Ian Duncan : Oh, I see and are we thinly veiling personal conflict and passing it off as a lesson? Because if so, please continue.

• Britta Perry : We have to do something about Pierce. He thinks his mom isn't dead. He's gone crazy.

  Jeff Winger : "... er?"

• Jeff Winger : You guys make fun of me for not caring about religion. But at least I'm dedicated enough to not caring to let you have your own beliefs. Can't Pierce have his? Can't you be cool like me?

  [He leaves the room, talking on his cell phone] 

  Troy Barnes : He ends so many of his speeches that way.

• Male Nurse Jackie : Jeff, you have something very infectious.

  Jeff Winger : What?

  Male Nurse Jackie : Charm.

• Abed Nadir : [about Pierce's non-reaction to his mother's death]  He hasn't cried yet. I'm told that's not normal.

  Jeff Winger : Who's normal, Abed?

  Shirley Bennett : Baptists are, but that's beside the point. Everybody has some service for the departed. Eskimos, witch doctors, Jewish people.

  Annie Edison : Cool, we made the list.

• Troy Barnes : I just saw a dead body.

  Shirley Bennett : Told you not to use the east stairwell. My pastor said it's meth season.

  Troy Barnes : You know I'm living with Pierce now, so this morning I went to do laundry in the garage and I found his mom, dead.

  Shirley Bennett , Britta Perry : Oh.

  Annie Edison : Troy, that's terrible.

  Troy Barnes : Well, she had been in bad shape for a while, so I guess she crawled out there to die like a cat. I've never been close to a dead body.

  Annie Edison , Britta Perry : Oh.

  Shirley Bennett : Oh, pumpkin.

  [Annie, Britta and Shirley console Troy] 

  Troy Barnes : She was so cold and grey. I saw her underwear.

  Pierce Hawthorne : [enters room whistling]  Jeez, who died?

  Britta Perry : Pierce, we're so sorry to hear about your mom.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Why?

  Annie Edison : Losing a loved one is always difficult.

  Pierce Hawthorne : What? My mom isn't dead.

  Shirley Bennett : But when Troy found her, he said...

  Pierce Hawthorne : Well her heart, lungs, kidneys and brain have stopped working.

  Jeff Winger : And another way of saying that would be?

  Pierce Hawthorne : She used up her organic body.

  Britta Perry : By... dying in it.

  Pierce Hawthorne : Wrong. She's alive. Mom was a part of my Buddhist church. She's a Level Five Laser Lotus, same as me. When a Level Five's body stops functioning, it's vaporized in the Temple of Renewal and stored in an energon pod. In a few years, when our technology advances, they'll extract her body vapors, re-condense it to a solid. Before you know it, Mom will be back in the kitchen making Troy and me sandwiches.

  [pats Troy on the shoulder] 

  Pierce Hawthorne : Heh.

  [Troy starts sobbing] 

  Shirley Bennett , Annie Edison , Britta Perry : Oh!

  Shirley Bennett : Pumpkin. It's okay. Oh, sweetie.

• Pierce Hawthorne : If you're curious, come to my church's Open Hive tomorrow. You know, wine, beer and free credit checks.

  Professor Ian Duncan : How much wine and beer per person?

  Jeff Winger : Oh, come on.

  Professor Ian Duncan : We're having a con... What?

  Hot Girl : Excuse me, is this Anesthesiology?

  Professor Ian Duncan : Yes. Yes, it is.

  [turns his head and speaks under his breath] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : Just go with this.

• Troy Barnes : What's with the lava lamp?

  Pierce Hawthorne : It's not a lava lamp. It's my mom.

  Troy Barnes : Oh ho ho! Snap! Wait, what?

  Pierce Hawthorne : The temple finished vaporizing her. This is Mom's energon pod. That's her vapor in those little bubbles.

  Jeff Winger : I'm sure that thing was free, right?

  Pierce Hawthorne : Energon doesn't grow on trees, Jeff. It's harvested by super bees in a Buddhist meteor crater.

  Jeff Winger : Which is at the foot of Mount Sky Mall in The Sharper Image Valley?

• Jeff Winger : [study group gathers around Jeff at the water fountain]  If you guys let me get to the can opener, I can feed you.

• Professor Ian Duncan : Hello, Billionaire Boys Club. What happened in class today?

  Jeff Winger : You pulled 40 minutes of anesthesiology out of your ass. Yeah, I did, but I meant your elderly friend.

  Jeff Winger : Do you know how many times I haven't eaten a doughnut?

  Professor Ian Duncan : I do not.

  Jeff Winger : How I got teased in grade school for dabbing my pizza with napkins? I've suffered. I've denied myself.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Mm-hm.

  Jeff Winger : Because the rules said, if I did that, I would live longer, but then, halfway through the game, I get this little update. That it doesn't matter what I do. I could eat powdered bran every day while you suck down figgy pudding and I still might die first. It's unfair. I want my doughnuts back.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Well, I think you're being a little childish and... Hold on. I need to use my force field to prevent Chang from getting food.

  [cut away and return] 

  Professor Ian Duncan : Now, where were we? Look, the way I see it, while claiming to have no religion, you were actually devoutly worshipping yourself. And now that your god has high cholesterol, you're trying to kick Pierce's in the balls.

  Jeff Winger : You're right. All I've been trying to do is crush Pierce's faith to feel better about dying.

  Professor Ian Duncan : And?

  Jeff Winger : Now that I realize that that was my goal, I can really roll up my sleeves and get it done.

  Professor Ian Duncan : There it is.

  Jeff Winger : Thank you.

  Professor Ian Duncan : Welcome. No, that wasn't what I was... Actually, I don't care.

• Shirley Bennett : Morning Jeff. Did you get the results of your blood test?

  Jeff Winger : I'm fine.

  Shirley Bennett : I figured. Thank you for wising us up. We were being judgmental about Pierce's religion, but the fact is Jesus accepts...

  Jeff Winger : The fact is everyone's dying and we all have these little notions that we're the exception, but we're as wrong as we are dead.

  Shirley Bennett : That's nice.

• Professor Ian Duncan : So where did we get to yesterday?

  Jeff Winger : We were talking about humanity, which starts with birth and ends with death.

  Professor Ian Duncan : True, all life ends in death, which we as a species are cursed with knowing, resulting in... something. Again, this is really not my field.

  Jeff Winger : Professor, what would you say might be the difference between a religion and a cult?

  Professor Ian Duncan : Why don't we open that to the floor since I don't know and the book for this class is expensive?

  Jeff Winger : Well, I would say a cult might, for instance, sell you a tube of Jell-O and tell you your mother is in it.

  Shirley Bennett : [scoldingly]  Jeffrey!

  Professor Ian Duncan : Oh, I see and are we thinly veiling personal conflict and passing it off as a lesson? Because if so, please continue.