American Dad! (TV Series)

For Whom the Sleigh Bell Tolls (2010)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien, Greg Corbin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stan Smith : [simultaneously demonstrating with a rifle]  Steve, shooting a gun is like being intimate with a woman. First, you inspect it to make sure it's clean. Then you grab it on the butt and jam the magazine in. If it doesn't fit, make it.

• Roger the Alien : Poor Ned Beatty. He can he can play Rudy's dad all he wants, but when we look at him, all we see is him getting rammed in the woods.

• Steve Smith : Is it weird that I have a boner?

  Stan Smith : It'd be weird if you didn't!

• Jeff Fischer : Three days till Christmas! Mr. S., I have to mail my letter to Santa. I'm asking for an authentic polar bear helmet from the movie "Golden Compass."

  Stan Smith : You're a golden dumbass!

• Stan Smith : [to Hayley about Jeff]  Just because you married him doesn't make him a part of my family.

  Hayley Smith : Actually, it does, Dad, and you need to accept that.

  Stan Smith : Hayley, the only thing I have to accept is that socially I can't wear mascara even though it makes my eyes pop like firecrackers.

• Francine Smith : I'm starting a new Christmas tradition.

  Stan Smith : What was wrong with our old traditions? Like letting homeless people smell our napkins after Christmas dinner?

  Francine Smith : On "The View", they said we could try the Dutch custom of putting presents in wooden clogs. Barbara Walters said it and she had an affair with a married black senator. So, you know, she doesn't drive in the slow lane.

• Jeff Fischer : Hey, Mr. S., I'll go shooting with you guys, too.

  Stan Smith : [covers his eyes]  Jeff, I am trying to have a bonding experience with my son. You are not my son. You are no part of this family and when I open my eyes, you better be gone, okay? I don't want to see a trace of you.

  [opens his eyes and sees Jeff still in the room] 

• Santa Claus : I'm coming for you, Smiths! Hyah!

  Steve Smith : How did he find us?

  Jeff Fischer : Oh. I wrote him a letter telling him where he can deliver our presents.

  Stan Smith : He's trying to kill us, you moron! You gave away our hiding spot!

  Hayley Smith : Dad, stop it. He didn't know.

  Stan Smith : He doesn't know anything! He's super dumb, Hayley. Jeff, please leave my family alone forever. Will you do me that kindness?

  Hayley Smith : Dad!

  Stan Smith : [as Jeff sadly leaves the cabin]  He understood. It's a Christmas miracle.

• Jeff Fischer : Does your family always have such messed-up Christmases?

  Stan Smith : Yeah, Jeff. And now you do, too.