- Stan Smith: Thank God we got rid of Jeff and that old hippie. The stench of pot and body odor was beginning to reach McConnaughey-vian proportions.
- Steve Smith: Hey, Roger, a missing remote. Looks like another case for...
- Steve Smith, Roger: [both] Wheels and the Legman!
- Klaus: Enough!
- Roger: What the hell's your problem?
- Klaus: Every "Wheels and the Legman" is the same. You pick a boring case, you bicker, then you solve it. The solution usually being that Roger is the culprit.
- Roger: It's true. I've got the remote right here.
- Roger: All right, I got everything we need: chocolate milk, cheese puffs and some Turkish amphetamines I scored in the bathroom.
- Stan Smith: Our grandkids are gonna be half loser, I'm gonna hate them, I'm gonna tell them, I'll look them right in the eye and say Pop Pop hates you
- Stan Smith: [to Francine] If she's having sex at any time, the dot will turn purple, I paid extra for that option, I can explode her breasts
- Roger: We just saying the first thing that pops into our mind? Ticklemonster
- Steve Smith: I know Dad, I put up with this every day at the agency
- Roger: Your Ghost Dad's not here!
- Steve Smith: Oh no, then who's possessing me?
- [Steve stands up out of the wheelchair and slaps Roger repeatedly]
- Roger: Stop it, stop it Wheels, Wheels, stop it Wheels' father
- [Steve stops and Roger gasps]