- Leslie Knope: A complete list of every slogan we've ever had:
- Leslie Knope: "Pawnee, the Paris of America"
- Leslie Knope: "The Akron of Southwest Indiana"
- Leslie Knope: "Welcome German Soldiers", after the Nazis took France our mayor kind of panicked
- Leslie Knope: "Pawnee, the factory fire capital of America"
- Leslie Knope: "Welcome Vietnamese Soldiers"
- Leslie Knope: "Pawnee, Engage with Zorp". For a brief time in the 70's our town was taken over by a cult.
- Leslie Knope: "Pawnee, Zorp is dead, long live Zorp"
- Leslie Knope: "Pawnee, it's safe to be here now"
- Leslie Knope: "Pawnee, birthplace of Julia Roberts", that was a lie, she sued so we had to change it.
- Leslie Knope: "Pawnee, home of the world famous Julia Roberts lawsuit"
- Leslie Knope: "Welcome Taliban Soldiers"
- Leslie Knope: and our current slogan: "Pawnee, first in friendship, fourth in obesity"
- Donna Meagle: Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, sorcerers, beasties or time-traveling romances.
- [Holds up a book of Twilight]
- Donna Meagle: And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, he would forget all about Skinnylegs McGee. I'll tell you that much.
- Kelly Larson: You look sad.
- Tom Haverford: You look like an old goon who's obsessed with a kid's book.
- Kelly Larson: It's a girl, isn't it? I can tell. It's the look that Mike had on his face when Bella turned him down for the dance.
- Tom Haverford: Oh yeah? Is it? What look did your mom have on her face when she realized her son was a complete failure?
- Kelly Larson: Okay. I'll be quiet. But I do know something about heartbreak. And you know who else does?
- Tom Haverford: Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds?
- Kelly Larson: No. A little lady named Twilight author Stephenie Meyer.
- [Throws Tom a copy of Twilight]
- Donna Meagle: [Enters room] You should listen to him. Those books are GOOD.
- Leslie Knope: So you're the one who's been emailing me about Twilight. I thought you'd be younger, and a girl.
- Kelly Larson: Well, I'm not. I'm older and a boy.
- Ron Swanson: [Pulls hacksaw out of his desk] I'll take care of this trespasser. Give me thirty seconds.
- Leslie Knope: I'm just gonna call security.
- Ben Wyatt: Guys can we push the meeting an hour? What's going on?
- Leslie Knope: Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office because we wouldn't put a copy of Twilight in the time capsule.
- Ben Wyatt: Damn it, again?
- Leslie Knope: I think we should put Twilight in the time capsule.
- Ron Swanson: Leslie, no! We don't negotiate with weirdos!
- Ben Wyatt: Yeah, what happened to 'A Perfect Encapsulation of Life in Pawnee'?
- Leslie Knope: Well, for that guy, life in Pawnee is him and his daughter reading that book! Besides, I can get Shawna on board; it would make a great human interest story!
- Ben Wyatt: Uh, if this gets out, every time you want to do anything, some guy's gonna come into your office and handcuff himself to a pipe.
- Leslie Knope: Well, yeah, that's a good point... Then we shall bring the pipe to them!
- Ron Swanson: Oh no.
- Leslie Knope: Oh yes!
- Ben Wyatt: What does that mean?
- Ron Swanson: Crackpot convention.
- Leslie Knope: For the last time, and I won't say this again, there will be no human or feline ashes in either one of the time capsules.