The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Agreement Dissection (2011)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : You may have gone to Cambridge, but I am an honorary graduate of Starfleet Academy.

• Sheldon Cooper : It's hard to say no to Yoo-Hoo. The name literally beckons.

• Sheldon Cooper : The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb. Congratulations, pizza night will now be at your apartment. Order one.

  Penny : I'm sorry, honey, I'm meeting Amy and Bernadette for dinner. You're welcome to tag along.

  Sheldon Cooper : A girl's night? Oh, I don't know if I'm up for an evening talking about rainbows, unicorns, and menstrual cramps.

  Penny : Okay, suit yourself. We'll probably be trashing Priya a little.

  Sheldon Cooper : Shotgun!

• Sheldon Cooper : I have to skip the chit-chat. Emergency.

  Leonard Hofstadter : What kind of emergency?

  Sheldon Cooper : Mathematical. 32 ounce banana smoothie, 16 ounce bladder.

• Leonard Hofstadter : [as Sheldon counts down the "self destruct sequence"]  It's blackmail!

  Priya Koothrappali : We give up.

  Leonard Hofstadter : This is ridiculous.

  [unplugs the laptop] 

  Sheldon Cooper : It's a laptop with a full charge. Honestly, what do you see in him?

• Amy Farrah Fowler : Fair warning: we can get crazy.

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : Yeah. Last week, we smoked cigars and pretended to be dragons.

  Sheldon Cooper : Really, Amy? Tobacco and alcohol? Need I remind you not a lot of scientific discoveries were made by people having a good time?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : [to Penny]  Why did you bring him? He's harshing my buzz.

• Sheldon Cooper : In the South, preadolescent children are forced through a process called cotillion, which indoctrinates them with all the social graces and dance skills needed to function in 18th century Vienna.

• Sheldon Cooper : This is Greek food? Leonard, you hate Greek food.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Not as much as you.

  Sheldon Cooper : fine. I'm nothing if not adaptable.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I got you the lamb kabob.

  Sheldon Cooper : Thank you.

  [Sheldon takes a bite and begins to chew vigorously] 

  Sheldon Cooper : If you think about it, Greek food isn't that far from Italian food. They share a spice palette.

  [Chews] 

  Sheldon Cooper : And what a civilization is the Greeks'.

  [Chews some more] 

  Sheldon Cooper : They gave us science, democracy... and little cubes of charred meat that taste like sweat.

  [Spits out kabob] 

• Amy Farrah Fowler : You smell like baby powder.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's talc. But as that's the primary ingredient in baby powder, I understand your confusion.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Oh, I'm not confused at all. You're like a sexy toddler.

  Sheldon Cooper : I don't know how to process that.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : How come, if we're the smart people, we don't do this every night?

  Sheldon Cooper : What's 16 times 14?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : My burps taste like cranberry juice.

  Sheldon Cooper : And there's your answer.

• Sheldon Cooper : Do you remember what happened to the alien, played by talented character actor Frank Gorshin, in the Star Trek episode "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Uh, Captain Kirk activated the self-destruct sequence and threatened to blow up the Enterprise and kill them both unless he gave in?

  Sheldon Cooper : Affirmative. Computer, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper. Activate self-destruct sequence. Code 1-1-A-2-B.

• Sheldon Cooper : Good morning, Amy.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : It most assuredly is not.

  Sheldon Cooper : Are you experiencing dehydration, headache, nausea, and shame?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Yes. I also found a Korean man's business card tucked into my cleavage. What happened last night?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, memory impairment. The free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon.

  Sheldon Cooper : All right. Last night, you gave me some excellent advice regarding my problem here at home. You kissed me, and then vomited on and off for 40 minutes, following which you passed out on your bathroom floor. I then folded a towel under your head as a pillow, set your oven clock to the correct time because it was driving me crazy, and I left.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Okay... I don't really know where we go from here.

  Sheldon Cooper : I suggest we treat our relationship as if it were a crashed computer and restore it to the last point we both agree it worked.

• [last lines] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : [yells at her screeching monkey]  They were out of menthol; get off my back!

  [to Sheldon] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : It's not easy living with a temperamental little primate.

  Leonard Hofstadter : [off-screen]  C'mon, Priya, just admit I embarrass you!

  Sheldon Cooper : You're preaching to the choir, sister.

• [first lines] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, are you in the shower?

  Leonard Hofstadter : I can't hear you! I'm in the shower!

  Sheldon Cooper : I asked if you were in the shower, but that's moot now!

  Leonard Hofstadter : What?

  Sheldon Cooper : Moot! Rendered unimportant by recent events!

  Leonard Hofstadter : I can't hear you! I'm in the shower!

• Amy Farrah Fowler : Would you like to come in for a nightcap?

  Sheldon Cooper : If you're referring to the beverage, you know I don't drink. If you're referring to the hat you don while wearing a night shirt and holding a candle, I have one.

• Sheldon Cooper : When challenged, monkeys generally assert their dominance through chasing, assault and a stylized penile display. That's a little outside my comfort zone.

• Sheldon Cooper : Count, the 2nd: The accused exceeded the agreed upon occupancy of the shower, to wit, one, unless we are under attack by water-soluble aliens.

• Priya Koothrappali : Section 7 here, on the right to enter the bathroom in emergency situations is not specific as to what constitutes and emergency.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's ridiculous. A bathroom emergency is self-explanatory.

  Priya Koothrappali : Is it? If Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair, could he barge in while you were showering?

  Sheldon Cooper : Irrelevant. Leonard doesn't trim his nose hair. He thinks because he's short, nobody can see up there.

• Sheldon Cooper : Unless Leonard signs the new agreement in the next 41 seconds, this computer will send an email to your parents in India, saying that you're in a secret relationship with the whiter-than-marshmallow-fluff Leonard Hofstadter.