- Sheldon Cooper: Priya, if you're experiencing any tension or awkwardness, it may stem from the fact that Leonard and Penny used to, if I may quote Howard, "do the dance with no pants."
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Granted, Penny, your secondary sexual characteristics are reasonably bodacious, but Priya is highly educated, she's an accomplished professional, and she comes from the culture that literally wrote the book on neat ways to have sex. Whereas you, on the other hand, are a community college dropout who comes from the culture that wrote the book on tipping cows.
- Priya Koothrappali: So, Penny, Leonard tells me you're an actress. That must be pretty exciting.
- Penny: Oh, yeah, yes, real great. Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition I thought was going to be for a cat-food commercial. It turned out to be porn.
- Sheldon Cooper: Did you get the part?
- Penny: I didn't do the audition!
- Sheldon Cooper: Given the state of your career, can you really afford to be picky?
- Priya Koothrappali: Rajesh, Leonard and I have decided to see each other again, and you don't get to tell me who I can or can't have a relationship with.
- Sheldon Cooper: Actually, he can. The Hindu code of Manu is very clear in these matters. If a woman's father is not around, the duty of controlling her base desires falls to the closest male member of her family, in this case, Raj. The code also states that if she disobeys, she will be reborn in the womb of a jackal and tormented by diseases. If true, that seems like an awfully large gamble, given that the prize is Leonard.
- Mrs. Wolowitz: Who's there? Are you a sex criminal?
- Howard Wolowitz: Sex criminals don't have keys, Ma!
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, social protocol states when a friend is upset, you offer them a hot beverage, such as tea.
- Howard Wolowitz: Tea does sound nice.
- Sheldon Cooper: You heard the man, Leonard. And while you're at it, I'm upset that we have an unannounced house guest, so make me cocoa.
- Howard Wolowitz: We wait for my mom's heart to explode from all the salt she eats. Then we just stick her in the ground, flip her mattress and move into the big bedroom.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [to Penny, about Priya] I am regretting my earlier cattiness. She is an absolute delight.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [visiting Penny] I just wanted to check in on you.
- Penny: Why?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Seems like the appropriate thing to do when your best friend finds herself replaced by a smart, beautiful woman with the smoldering sexuality of a crouched Bengal tiger.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Thanks to you, I was able to make a rhesus monkey cry like a disgraced televangelist.
- Raj Koothrappali: It's completely inappropriate for a single woman to entertain a man in private. If you insist on talking, you must do it on the couch! All right, you may talk in the bedroom, but I want this door to remain open! All right, just this once you may close the door. But keep in mind I'll be right out here monitoring the situation! Oh, damn it. Leonard, when you get this message, call me. Priya, this is your brother. When you get this, tell Leonard to check his voicemail.
- Penny: I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company. I don't want to impose.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, no. It's not an imposition. At this point, in our ecosystem, you are akin to the plover, a small scavenging bird that eats extra food from between the teeth of crocodiles. Please, fly into our open maw, and have at it.
- Penny: If I had more than a box of baking soda in my refrigerator, I wouldn't have to take that.
- Sheldon Cooper: Just keep in mind, should you ever need a slightly apathetic tertiary friend, I stand at the ready.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, you have a guest who's upset.
- Sheldon Cooper: Right. I'll make tea.
- Penny: Oh Sweetie, that's okay. I don't want tea.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, it's not optional.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll finish making the tea while you narcissistically ramble on about whatever's troubling you.
- Howard Wolowitz: Thanks.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's what tertiary friends are for.
- Mrs. Wolowitz: Who's there? Is it a sex criminal?
- Howard Wolowitz: Nobody wants to do that to you, Ma!