The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Robotic Manipulation (2010)

Kaley Cuoco: Penny

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : You realize, Penny, that the technology that went into this arm will one day make unskilled food servers such as yourself obsolete.

  Penny : Really? They're gonna make a robot that spits on your hamburger?

  Sheldon Cooper : [to Leonard]  I thought you broke up with her. Why is she here?

• Penny : [sighs]  OK, you know what? I'm gonna come at this in a whole new way. Sheldon, if you try to make a baby with Amy in a petri dish, I'm going to tell your mother on you.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, that's no threat. My mother's always wanted a grandchild.

  Penny : Really, your deeply religious, born again Christian mother wants a test tube grandbaby born out of wedlock?

  Sheldon Cooper : [stunned]  Curses.

• Penny : Who's Amy?

  Leonard Hofstadter : His girlfriend.

  Penny : [blindsided by the news]  Sheldon has a girlfriend?

  Sheldon Cooper : She's not my girlfriend.

  Penny : How long has this been going on?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Four months.

  Sheldon Cooper : She's not my girlfriend.

  Penny : Are you telling me for the past four months, I have been asking you "What's new?" and you never thought to go with "Sheldon has a girlfriend"?

• Penny : So, um, Amy, what about you? Do you date much?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Once a year. It's a deal I made with my mother in exchange for her silence on the matter, as well as the occasional use of her George Foreman Grill that seals in the flavor without the fat. How about you, Penny? Do you go on many dates?

  Penny : Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many. A few.

  [Sheldon giggling] 

  Penny : What's?..

  [Imitates his giggle] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Your characterization of approximately 171 different men as "a few".

  Penny : What... Where did you get 171 men?

  Sheldon Cooper : Simple extrapolation. In the three years that I've known you, you were single for two. During that time, I saw 17 different suitors. If we work backwards, correcting for observation bias, and postulate an initial dating age of 15...

  Penny : Whoa, wait, wait, wait. I did not start dating at 15.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry. Sixteen?

  Penny : [Sheepishly]  Fourteen.

  Sheldon Cooper : My mistake. Now, assuming the left side of a bell curve peaking around the present, that would bring the total up to 193 men. Plus or minus eight men.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Remarkable. Did you have sexual intercourse with all of these men?

  Penny : No.

  Sheldon Cooper : Although that number would be fairly easy to calculate. Oh. Based on the number of awkward encounters I've had with strange men leaving her apartment in the morning, plus the number of times she's returned home wearing the same clothes she wore the night before...

  Penny : Okay, Sheldon, I think you've made your point.

  Sheldon Cooper : So we multiply 193... minus 21 men before the loss of virginity... so 172 times 0.18 gives us 30.96 sexual partners. Let's round that up to 31.

  Penny : Okay, Sheldon, you are so wrong. That is not even close to the real number. I'm gonna need a drink over here.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : This is very interesting. Cultural perceptions are subjective. Penny, to your mind, are you a slut?

  Penny : No! No!.. No. Let's just all finish our dinners, okay?

  Sheldon Cooper : This is an interesting topic.

  [to Amy] 

  Sheldon Cooper : How many sexual encounters have you had?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Does volunteering for a scientific experiment in which orgasm was achieved by electronically stimulating the pleasure centers of the brain count?

  Sheldon Cooper : I should think so.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Then 128.

• Penny : You don't even like people touching you. How are you gonna have sex?

  Sheldon Cooper : Why on earth would we have sex?

  Penny : Oh, honey, did your mom not have the talk with you? You know, when your private parts started growing?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity.

  Penny : Oh, God.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, exactly.

• Penny : Your hair smells nice. What fragrance are you using?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Dandruff shampoo. I have a dry scalp.

  Penny : Well, your hair looks nice.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Are you a homosexual?

  Penny : Um, no. Just paying you a compliment.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I would have been more flattered if you were a homosexual.

• Penny : Sheldon has a girlfriend?

  Sheldon Cooper : She's not my girlfriend.

  Penny : Ah... d-d-d-d... How did they meet?

  Howard Wolowitz : Raj and I entered Sheldon's information on a dating site, and it spit out Amy Farrah Fowler.

  Penny : Oh, my God! Sheldon and Amy.

  Howard Wolowitz : Or, as we call them, "Shamy".

  Penny : Shamy. I am so digging the Shamy!

  Sheldon Cooper : All right, everyone pay attention. Yes, I have a friend named Amy Farrah Fowler. Yes, she is female. Yes, we communicate on a daily basis, but no, she is not my girlfriend.

  Penny : Okay, well, what do you communicate about?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, my work in physics, her work in neurobiology, and most recently, the possibility of our having a child together.

  [taking a drink of water, Penny spits it out in surprise, and Howard uses his robot arm to pass her a napkin] 

  Penny : Thank you.

• Penny : So, um, Amy, Sheldon tells me you're a Neuro... something or other?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Neurobiologist. Your "check engine" light is on.

  Penny : Yeah, it's OK.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : But the light indicates...

  Sheldon Cooper : Don't, bother, I've wasted many an hour tilting at that particular windmill.

  Penny : Uh, what is that scent you're wearing? It smells great.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Dandruff Shampoo. I have dry scalp.

  Penny : Ah, well your hair looks very nice.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Are you a homosexual?

  Penny : No, No, I'm just, giving you a compliment.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Hm. Would have been more flattered if you were a homosexual.

  Penny : Guys, how about some music?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I wouldn't care for that, Amy?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : No, thank you.

  Penny : OK. Uncomfortable silence it is. Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy what it was like for you growing up in Texas?

  Sheldon Cooper : No.

  Penny : Well, why don't you tell her?

  Sheldon Cooper : Alright. It was hell.

  Penny : Any follow up Amy?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : No.

  Penny : I, myself, grew up in Nebraska. Small town, outside of Omaha. Yeah, a nice place, mostly family farms, a few meth labs.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry, how is this better than uncomfortable silence?

  Penny : I don't know, I was just trying something.

  Sheldon Cooper : Muggles.

• Sheldon Cooper : I've decided to take your advice and have arranged to go on a date with Amy Farrah Fowler.

  Penny : Oh, that's great. Have fun.

  Sheldon Cooper : Wait. You have to drive me.

  Penny : What?

  Sheldon Cooper : You know I don't drive.

  Penny : Well, go ask Leonard.

  Sheldon Cooper : I did. He said, and I quote, "Ask Penny. It was her cockamamy idea."

  Penny : Leonard said "cockamamy"?

  Sheldon Cooper : Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having been raised in a Christian household, I'm uncomfortable with the language he used. And to be honest, I'm not entirely comfortable with "cockamamy".

  Penny : Okay, fine. When's the date?

  Sheldon Cooper : Now.

  Penny : Now?

  Sheldon Cooper : Hurry. We're going to be late.

  Penny : Sheldon, did it ever occur to you that I might have other plans?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry. Do you have other plans?

  Penny : Well, no, not per se, but...

  Sheldon Cooper : So this conversation is as pointless as your door-knocking soliloquy?

  Penny : Let me get my... cockamamy keys.

• Penny : [Howard demonstrates his robotic arm]  That's amazing.

  Sheldon Cooper : I wouldn't say amazing. At best, it's a modest leap forward from the basic technology that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.

  Howard Wolowitz : Hey, Sheldon?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes?

  [Howard types on his laptop; his robot arm swings around and extends its first two fingers] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Peace?

  Howard Wolowitz : [intending something else]  No, not peace. Hang on.

• Penny : [about Howard's robot arm]  Does NASA know you're using that thing as a napkin holder?

  Howard Wolowitz : You kidding? They still think it's in a secure locker at JPL.

  Penny : You stole it?

  Howard Wolowitz : Borrowed. The trick is to carry it out to your car like you own it.

• Penny : Ooh, what's that?

  Howard Wolowitz : That, dear lady, is the Wolowitz Programmable Hand, designed for extravehicular repairs on the International Space Station.

  Penny : Oh, cool.

  Howard Wolowitz : Ask me to pass the soy sauce.

  Penny : Oh, does that come up much on the space station?

  Howard Wolowitz : Mostly with Asian and Jewish astronauts.

  Penny : All right. Pass the soy sauce.

  Howard Wolowitz : Coming up.

  Leonard Hofstadter : [breaking the awkward silence as Howard types on his laptop]  So, how's work?

  Penny : Oh, it's not bad. Kinda hungry.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, we all are.

• Sheldon Cooper : [knocking on Penny's door]  Penny. Penny. Penny.

  Penny : You do realize I stand on the other side of the door waiting for you to finish knocking three times.

  Sheldon Cooper : I know. I can see the shadow of your feet under the door.

  Penny : Yeah, my point is it's a waste of time.

  Sheldon Cooper : If you're looking for an example of a waste of time, I would refer you to the conversation we're having right now.