Futurama (TV Series)
The Late Philip J. Fry (2010)
John DiMaggio: Bender, Elzar, Man in the Year 10 Million
Photos
Quotes
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Bender : Man, the future's a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap!
[to people at the camp next to them]
Bender : No offense, fellas.
Year 10,000 Man : Don't sweat it, man.
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Philip J. Fry : All in all, I've led a full life. Let's say the three of us grab a six-pack and watch the universe end?
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Hear, hear!
Bender : That's basically what I do every day.
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Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : The stars are receding. Oh, the vast emptiness!
[Shakes empty beer can in front of Bender]
Bender : Yeah, yeah. I can take a hint.
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Philip J. Fry : I'm getting another beer.
[Bends down to get a beer from Bender's chest compartment]
Bender : Fry, hurry up! You're missing the dinosaurs!
Philip J. Fry : Relax, they're not going anywhere.
[Gets up]
Philip J. Fry : Where'd they go?
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Philip J. Fry : Hey, look. The first fish to crawl up on land.
Bender : [Steps on fish] He was coming right at us! You all saw it!
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Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Behold! A time traveling machine!
[Fry and Bender gasp]
Bender : Time? I can't go back there!
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Ah, but this time machine only goes forward in time. That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting like sleep with your own grandmother.
Philip J. Fry : I wouldn't want to do that again.
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Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : The last proton should be decaying about now.
Philip J. Fry : Bye, last proton.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : And here we are. The end of the universe.
[pause]
Philip J. Fry : Well, now what? You guys want to talk?
Bender : No, thanks.
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Elzar : Say, weren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant?
Turanga Leela : Just shut up and bring me two dinners.
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Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Yoohoo, boys! What's this era in human history like?
Man in the Year 10 Million : The machines. We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled. They won't stop until every human is dead!
Bender : This seems like a nice future. Let's just stay here. We can settle down on that mountain of skulls.
[Farnsworth starts the machine, they travel]
Bender : Hey! That place had a gorgeous view of Blood Lake.
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Year Fifty Million Woman #1 : Greetings, time travelers.
Bender : Stupid jerks won't let me stay in the good future.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : How did you know we were time travelers?
Year Fifty Million Woman #2 : We too have studied the time travel enigma.
Year Fifty Million Woman #3 : We have perfected a method that uses negative mass neutrino fields that allow us to travel backwards in time.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : My name's Hubert.
Philip J. Fry : All right! We can go home!
Bender : [Mocking Fry] Nyah-nyah, we can go...
[Razzberry]
Year Fifty Million Woman #1 : We can talk about our research tomorrow. Men are rare in our society. Even very old and stupid males are priced. Tonight, please be our guests of honor in a fertility banquet.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Well, there certainly is no harm in a fertility banquet.
Philip J. Fry : I can eat, and fertilize.
Year Fifty Million Woman #1 : Very well. Anoint our guests in oil without using our hands.
Bender : Oh, so we can stay in the future you like, but not the future I like? Next!
[Benders starts up the time machine again and they leave the year 50 Million]
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : No! I was about to close the deal!
Philip J. Fry : Bender, they had a backwards time machine!
Bender : The other place had a lot of nice things too. Did you even see that mountain of skulls?
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Why you...
[Slaps Bender very weakly]
Bender : Oh no you didn't!
[They fight]
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Philip J. Fry : So, what was the purpose of life anyway?
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Who knows? Probably some hogwash about the human spirit.
Bender : Mmm-hmm.
Philip J. Fry : Sounds about right.
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Philip J. Fry : Please, let me make it up to you. I'll treat you to a fancy birhtday dinner tonight at Cavern on the Green.
Turanga Leela : Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up.
Philip J. Fry : Not this time. No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there.
Bender : Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally settling down and marrying a nice house in the suburbs, but tonight, he's having the girls-gone-wildest bachelor party of all time!
Philip J. Fry : Whoo-hoo... who cares! I'm having dinner with Leela
Turanga Leela : Just go to your stupid party. We can have dinner on my birthday some other year.
Philip J. Fry : No. I can throw up on a stripper anytime. Tonight, I want to not throw up, on you.
Turanga Leela : Really?
Bender : Your loss. Hey, Professor! You're my wingman.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Very well. Eh, Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.
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Philip J. Fry : Stop. Somewhere, sometime, Leela's waiting for me.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth : Fry's right.
Bender : Yes, we have to work together, and not have this fight I was definitely winning.