- Kent Brockman: A philantropist. A humanitarian. A man of peace. These are just a few of the men who have come to spit on Montgomery Burns' grave.
- Fox News Helicopter Pilot: [as the Fox News representative leaves, the helicopter falls] Gaah! We're unbalanced! That's not fair!
- Marge Simpson: [to Comic Book Guy, dressed as Wolverine] This isn't a line for a movie. Why are you in costume?
- Comic Book Guy: Because you see, I'm afraid of needles, but Wolverine is not.
- [retracts claws]
- Comic Book Guy: Snikt, Snikt!
- [Ice cream truck passes by; Comic Book Guy reaches for wallet but scratches himself with claws]
- Comic Book Guy: Ow! Need acceptable currency for delicious treat.
- Mr. Burns: I haven't a friend in the world.
- Smithers: You have me, sir.
- Mr. Burns: I pay you, Smithers. A man cannot pay another man to love him.
- Smithers: Well, actually...
- Mr. Burns: I'll retire to my bed.
- Smithers: That's where everyone put their coats.
- Mr. Burns: Throw them in my woodchipper and use the remains to wash my car.
- [Smithers tosses coats out window and into woodchipper, the shreds going into a bin marked "rags"]
- Mr. Burns: Why does everyone hate me?
- Mr. Burns: I want to die gently in my own terms, crushing as many of those baby turtles as possible. Goodbye, insuficiently cruel world!
- Bart Simpson: This town may not be able to teach its children or collect its garbage, but we lead the nation in pointless revenge.
- Mr. Burns: You my daddy mommy puppy?
- Bart Simpson: Whoa! That fall must have turned your brains to oatmeal.
- Mr. Burns: My name oatmeal?
- Bart Simpson: This is too weird.
- [Leaves]
- Mr. Burns: Wait for oatmeal.
- Homer Simpson: The richest man in town is ours to control. He'll do my bidding on fantasy football, and anything else my limited imagination can think up.