- Brick Heck: I'm cold. I told you we needed a fireplace.
- Axl Heck: You can't put a fireplace in an igloo.
- Brick Heck: The Eskimos do it all the time.
- Axl Heck: Oh my God, Brick! Eskimos aren't even real. They're just in stories like leprechauns and trolls.
- Pat Spence: I brought fudge.
- Axl Heck: Awesome.
- Sue Heck: Thanks, Grandma.
- Frankie Heck: Okay, guys, just a couple.
- Pat Spence: Oh, Frankie. It's fudge. It's Christmas.
- Axl Heck: Oh, Mom gets out-mommed by Grandma. Merry Christmas to me.
- Axl Heck: So, what do you think, huh?
- Brick Heck: I thought we were doing a second story.
- [looks inside igloo]
- Brick Heck: Where's the reading nook? I was hoping it would be next to the hearth.
- Axl Heck: A hearth? Oh my God, this is like the first thing I've actually finished in my entire life and you don't even appreciate it. Not very "orange-y" of you, is it, Brick?
- Pat Spence: Well, you don't cut back at Christmas. It's Christmas!
- Frankie Heck: Who are you people? When I was a kid, for my allowance I got one cent for every year of my life. That means when I was twelve, I got twelve pennies. Twelve pennies!
- Pat Spence: Well, back then we were parents. Now we're grandparents. We have to be grand. It's in the title.