The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Lunar Excitation (2010)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Penny : Damn you, you rat bastard!
Leonard Hofstadter : Are you drunk?
Penny : Zack was a perfectly nice guy and then you *ruined* him!
Leonard Hofstadter : How did I ruin him?
Penny : 'Cause in the olden days I never would have known he was so stupid.
Leonard Hofstadter : Come on, he wasn't that stupid.
Penny : Yes he *was*! He thought you were going to blow up the *moon*!
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, yeah, he's stupid
[laughs]
Penny : He spent the entire night bragging about how *he* invented the word appeteezers!
Leonard Hofstadter : [still laughing] Well, how is that my fault?
Penny : You have destroyed my ability to tolerate idiots, now come with me.
[grabs Leonard's hand and starts pulling him behind her]
Leonard Hofstadter : W-where are we going?
Penny : [shouts] We're gonna have *SEX*!
Leonard Hofstadter : Wha- I mean oh, OK.
Sheldon Cooper : [comes out of his bedroom] What's going on?
Penny : Put on your noise cancelling headphones, this is gonna get *loud*.
Sheldon Cooper : Ach, not *this* again.
[goes back into his room]
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Zack : One question. How can you be sure it won't blow up?
Leonard Hofstadter : The laser?
Zack : The moon!
Sheldon Cooper : See, now this is a man for Penny.
Leonard Hofstadter : That's a great question, Zack!
Sheldon Cooper : No, it's not!
Penny : Sheldon, play nice.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, it's not a great question! How could someone possibly think we're going to blow up the moon? That's a great question.
Leonard Hofstadter : [to Zack] Don't worry about the moon. We... , we set our laser to stun.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [yelling after Penny] How am I supposed to let it go? You used me for *sex*!
[sees downstairs neighbor in her doorway]
Leonard Hofstadter : Morning, Mrs. Gunderson.
Mrs. Gunderson : Good morning, Leonard, or should I say 'Yee-haw'?
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Zack : That's your big experiment? All that for a line on a screen?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, but, uh, think about what this represents. The fact that we can do this is the only way of definitively proving that there are man-made objects on the moon, put there by a member of a species that only 60 years before had just invented the airplane.
Zack : What species is that?
Sheldon Cooper : I was wrong. Penny can do better.
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Raj Koothrappali : Holy crap!
Howard Wolowitz : What?
Raj Koothrappali : We finally have proof that aliens walk among us!
Howard Wolowitz : Excuse me?
Raj Koothrappali : The dating site matched a woman with *Sheldon*.
Howard Wolowitz : You're kidding, an actual woman?
Raj Koothrappali : Yeah, look... breasts and everything.
Howard Wolowitz : Trust me, breasts doesn't necessarily mean woman.
Raj Koothrappali : Since when?
Howard Wolowitz : I'll show you a picture of my Uncle Louie in a bathing suit sometime.
[shudders]
Howard Wolowitz : Leonard, you gotta see this! We found a match for Sheldon!
Leonard Hofstadter : Great. Maybe she can have sex with him and then walk out on him the next morning without so much as a "How do you dooo?"
Raj Koothrappali : Do you know what he's talking about?
Howard Wolowitz : Nope. Why don't you ask him?
Raj Koothrappali : Leonard, what are you talking about?
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't wanna talk about it.
Raj Koothrappali : That was a lousy suggestion.
Howard Wolowitz : Whatever.
[grabs the laptop from Raj]
Howard Wolowitz : Right now, Doctor Sheldon Cooper has to send an email to his perfect match.
[starts typing]
Howard Wolowitz : "Greetings fellow life form..."
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[first lines]
Leonard Hofstadter : OK, we've got power to the laser.
Sheldon Cooper : I should have brought an umbrella.
Leonard Hofstadter : What for? It's not going to rain.
Sheldon Cooper : I know that, but with skin as fair as mine, moonburn is a real possibility.
Howard Wolowitz : That's a bazinga, right?
Sheldon Cooper : One of my best, don't you think?
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Sheldon Cooper : Leonard. Leonard. What is that? What is that?
Leonard Hofstadter : Relax, it's just a dirty sock.
Sheldon Cooper : How on earth can you can say "dirty sock" and "relax" in the same sentence?
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Leonard Hofstadter : She didn't dump me. We were just in different places in the relationship.
Sheldon Cooper : I fail to see how a relationship can have the qualities of a geographic location.
Howard Wolowitz : Well, it's very simple. Leonard was living in a little town called Please Don't Leave Me, while Penny had just moved to the island of Buh-Bye.
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Penny : Oh, hey, Leonard.
Leonard Hofstadter : I was a perfectly happy, geeky, li'l lonely guy and you've ruined me.
Penny : Are you drunk?
Leonard Hofstadter : C'mon, we're going to have sex and it's not going to mean a thing.
[he enters her apartment but she shoves him back out]
Penny : Are you out of your mind!
[she slams the door]
Leonard Hofstadter : Really starting to think there's a double standard here.
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Penny : Look, I'm sorry. I was drunk. I was lonely. I hated Zack. Can we just forget it ever happened?
Leonard Hofstadter : No, it's pretty well imprinted on my brain. Especially the whole rodeo thing.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Now, we'll be able to see the beam when it leaves, but it won't be strong enough when it comes back to be seen with the naked eye.
Zack Johnson : [looking at Penny] Naked.
[laughs]
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Leonard Hofstadter : Where's Penny?
Sheldon Cooper : She returned to her apartment. I presume to shower and vomit, not necessarily in that order.
Leonard Hofstadter : I wonder why she didn't say goodbye.
Sheldon Cooper : Are you expecting me to offer an explanation of human behavior?
Leonard Hofstadter : I know. I just thought as an outsider, you might be able to provide a fresh perspective.