Archer (TV Series)

Dial M for Mother (2010)

Aisha Tyler: Lana Kane

Quotes 

• Lana Kane : Oh, my God, I am exhausted.

  Ray Gillette : Whereas I am merely confused. If you told every guy the same thing, then they all know that none of them had sex with you, so they're all gonna realize they're all lying.

  Pam Poovey : Hey, yeah.

  Lana Kane : But remember, they're dudes.

  Ray Gillette : Lana Kane, you magnificent bastard.

• Agent Lana Kane : [over building intercom]  Um, attention. Hi, this is Agent Kane, and if you want to have ball-slappy sex with me on Cyril's desk, please line up and take a number.

  Pam : [a group of guys show up immediately, Pam pushes to the front]  You heard the lady. Take a number!

  [holds up #1 card] 

• Lana Kane : Well, at least *my* ex-boyfriend isn't a noose I made out of an extension cord.

• Lana Kane : You know, the whole monster hands thing. Starting to border on mean.

  Cheryl Tunt : Oh, you gonna go run and cry to Miss Archer like when Cyril cheated on you?

  Lana Kane : Well, at least my ex-boyfriend isn't a noose I made out of an extension cord.

  Cheryl Tunt : Guess what? She wasn't the only one Cyril cheated with!

  Lana Kane : And what is that supposed to mean?

  Cheryl Tunt : Figure it out, Truckasaurus!

• Lana Kane : OK, we got the French chick and Carol and... anybody else, Rambone?

  Cyril Figgis : Nooo.

  Scatterbrain Jane : [Waving as she walks past the open office door; in sing-song voice]  Hiiii, Cyril.

  [Her light laughter turns into coughing and hacking] 

  Lana Kane : Scatterbrain Jane? Really?

  Cyril Figgis : Well, say she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.

  Lana Kane : [laughing]  Oooh, right, I forgot your dick's full of radiation and mastectomy coupons.

  Cyril Figgis : Boy, you are just so determined not to be cool about this.

  Lana Kane : Yep. Anybody else?

  Cyril Figgis : Um.

  [Memory flashback to being in Malory's office] 

  Cyril Figgis : Ms. Archer, you're trying to seduce me.

  [Malory is heard to laugh] 

  Cyril Figgis : Aren't you?

  [Flashback ends] 

  Cyril Figgis : NOPE! No one.

  Lana Kane : Okay; get out.

  Cyril Figgis : Of my own office?

  Lana Kane : Yep.

  Cyril Figgis : Why?

  Lana Kane : Oh, you don't wanna be here... when I bang every last dude in the building.

  Cyril Figgis : WHAT?

  Lana Kane : Right here on your blotter.