- Malory Archer: [arguing over the phone with Len Trexler] You wanna play me hard?
- Sterling Archer: Phrasing.
- Malory Archer: Well, then, you better nut up!
- Sterling Archer: Phrasing!
- Malory Archer: Because I've swallowed just about all I'm going to take from you!
- Sterling Archer: Hey! Phrasing!
- Agent Lana Kane: Where's the hobbit guy?
- Sterling Archer: A frickin' hobbit works here now? Jesus, Lana, they're called little people, not hobbits.
- Agent Lana Kane: No, he's not *a* hobbit. He's a hobbit *enthusiast*.
- Sterling Archer: [wierded out] Oh.
- Agent Lana Kane: Yeah, I know, but he knows how to work all the computers and satellites and shit.
- [last lines]
- Sterling Archer: No! Not Deliverance.
- [chuckles]
- Sterling Archer: In Gator.
- Agent Lana Kane: [disgusted] Oh.
- Sterling Archer: Right.
- [pause]
- Sterling Archer: How can you not see that?
- Chant leader: What do we want?
- Strikers: Unfair!
- Chant leader: When do we want it?
- Strikers: Change!
- Pam: Come on, Ms. Archer, you've been in there ten hours. Meet us halfway, and Kreiger will let you out of there.
- Dr. Krieger: Or else he'll crank up the heat again.
- Cheryl: I love that you know how to do that.
- Dr. Krieger: And I love that I have an erection that didn't involve homeless people
- Lana Kane: ...and so basically, we are totally unprepared for this mission.
- Sterling Archer: Unless it involves night shoveling.
- Lana Kane: What's their beef?
- Malory Archer: Oh, the same entitled crap as always. "I can't make ends meet. I'm on food stamps. My child died because I couldn't afford new bone marrow." Just, me, me, me, me, me.
- Lana Kane: Jesus, whose kid died?
- Malory Archer: Oh, who remembers?
- Malory Archer: This is the last time you make me out a fool, Len Trexler. You wanna play me hard?
- Sterling Archer: Phrasing.
- Len Trexler: You know I do.
- Malory Archer: Well then you'd better nut up.
- Sterling Archer: Phrasing.
- Malory Archer: Because I've swallowed just about as much as I can take from you!
- Sterling Archer: Hey! Phrasing!
- Malory Archer: And we'll see who's smirking when ISIS steals that diamond for real!
- Len Trexler: Oh, you're a naughty girl.
- Malory Archer: Right, then, commence Operation Rub Len Trexler's Big Fat Nose in it.
- Sterling Archer: Yeah. Sounds like you already have.
- Agent Lana Kane: Wait. You want us to break back into the palace which now has the insane amount of security we recommended, plus god knows how many ODIN guys?
- Malory Archer: Yes, so take more of that poison.
- Agent Lana Kane: And on top of that suck salad, you want to sprinkle on the bacon bits of "Oh, hey, let's tell them we're coming"?
- Malory Archer: Well?
- Agent Lana Kane: Well, there's this new thing called the element of surprise?
- Malory Archer: I don't care if you're captain...
- [pause]
- Sterling Archer: Crunch! No wait, Beefheart.
- Sterling Archer: Claudio, we had a deal!
- Sterling Archer: Wait, Kangaroo.
- Pam Poovey: You hear that, Miss Archer? We're all on board for the big win-win out here.
- Malory Archer: Well I'm not. Do your worst, Krieger!
- Doctor Krieger: Okay!
- Cheryl Tunt: Oh, my God, yes!
- Malory Archer: Yes! Go ahead, crank up the heat. I'm as naked as the day I was born.
- Doctor Krieger: Oh, yes!
- Pam Poovey: Naked or not!
- Cyril Figgis: Well, don't keep saying it.
- Pam Poovey: You can't stay in there forever.
- Malory Archer: Ha! I'll outlast you. I'm naked, and I've got half a lime, and almost... nearly two-thirds of a half-gallon of
- [bottle breaks]
- Malory Archer: ... Shit.
- Pam Poovey: Now we've got her!
- Malory Archer: Ha! I'll suck it right off this grimy linoleum before I give into you belly-achers. You've got nothing!
- Sterling Archer: Frickin' ODIN. I can't believe this.
- Lana Kane: How many are there?
- Sterling Archer: About a bajillion.
- Lana Kane: Damn it!
- Sterling Archer: Bajillion gay little copycats.
- Lana Kane: What?
- Sterling Archer: I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana, but I was the first to recognize its potential as a tactical garment! The tactical turtleneck, Lana.
- Lana Kane: Archer.
- Sterling Archer: The tactleneck!