"The Big Bang Theory" The Pants Alternative (TV Episode 2010) - Simon Helberg as Howard Wolowitz

Howard Wolowitz : My power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problems.
Sheldon : Problem.

Leonard : What?

Sheldon : They expect me to give a speech at the banquet. I can't give a speech.

Howard Wolowitz : No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.

Raj Koothrappali : Yeah, before the movie you did 20 minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.
Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, you're being ridiculous.

Sheldon Cooper : Am I? Let me tell you a story.

Howard Wolowitz : [to himself] Where's 70 children when you need them?

Sheldon Cooper : I was 14 and graduating summa cum laude from college. Summa cum laude is Latin for with highest honors.

Penny : I just love how you always skip over the part where no one asks.
Sheldon : I'm perfectly comfortable speaking to small groups. I cannot speak to large crowds.

Howard Wolowitz : What to you is a large crowd?

Sheldon : Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.
[first lines]

Raj Koothrappali : OK, in Avatar when they have sex on Pandora they hook up their ponytails, so we know their ponytails are like their junk.

Howard Wolowitz : Yeah, so?

Raj Koothrappali : So, when they ride horses and fly on their birds, they also use their ponytails.

Howard Wolowitz : What's your point?

Raj Koothrappali : My point is if I were a horse or a bird I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.

Simon Helberg: Howard Wolowitz