- The Doctor: I'm the Doctor. Well, they call me the Doctor; I don't know why. I call me the Doctor, too. I still don't know why.
- Sean: You are so on the team! Next week we've got the Crown & Anchor. We're going to annihilate them!
- The Doctor: [gets in Sean's face] Annihilate? No! No violence, do you understand me? Not while I'm around, not today, not ever. I'm the Doctor. The Oncoming Storm... and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn't you?
- Sean: Yeah.
- The Doctor: Lovely. What sort of time?
- The Doctor: Less of a young professional - more of an ancient amateur. But frankly, I'm an absolute dream.
- Craig Owens: Listen, Mike and I had an arrangement where if you ever need me out of your hair, just give me a shout.
- [winks]
- Craig Owens: Okay?.
- The Doctor: [winks back] Why would I want that?
- Craig Owens: Well, in case you want to bring someone round, a girlfriend or a...
- [looks at the Doctor up and down]
- Craig Owens: boyfriend...
- The Doctor: Oh, I will. I'll shout... if that happens. Something like... I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS!
- Craig Owens: Will it work?
- The Doctor: Yes.
- Craig Owens: Are you sure?
- The Doctor: Yes!
- Craig Owens: Is that a lie?
- The Doctor: Of course it's a lie!
- Craig Owens: It's good enough for me. Geronimo!
- The Doctor: Six billion people? Watching you two work, I'm starting to wonder where they all come from.
- The Doctor: Ah you want to see my credentials...
- [shows psychic paper]
- The Doctor: There, national insurance number.
- [passes psychic paper behind his back]
- The Doctor: NHS number.
- [passes psychic paper behind his back again]
- The Doctor: References.
- Craig Owens: [incredulous] Is that a reference from the Archbishop of Canterbury?
- The Doctor: I'm his special favourite. Shhh.
- Craig Owens: Where did you learn to cook?
- The Doctor: Paris, in the... 18th century.
- [Craig stares at him incredulously]
- The Doctor: No, hang on, that's not recent, is it? 17th. No, no, no, no. 20th. Sorry, I'm not used to doing them in the right order.
- The Doctor: [to Amy on earpiece] To anyone else hearing this conversation, we're talking absolute gibberish.
- The Doctor: [Craig hearing through the wall with the same inflection] Practical eruption in chicken, Descartes Lombardy spiral.
- [hands his new landlord a paper bag full of money]
- The Doctor: Yes, quite right, have some rent. That's probably quite a lot, isn't it? Looks like a lot. Is it a lot? I can never tell.
- The Doctor: No, I'll fix it, I'm good at fixing rot. Call me the Rotmeister. No, I'm the Doctor, don't call me the Rotmeister.
- Craig Owens: [opening door, believing it to be Sophie] I love you!
- The Doctor: Well, that's good, because I'm your new lodger.
- [Craig stares at him in shock]
- The Doctor: D'you know, this is going to be easier than I expected.
- Amy Pond: Football. Okay, well done, that is normal. Yeah, football, all outdoorsy.
- The Doctor: Now, football's the one with the sticks, isn't it?
- The Doctor: Hello, I'm Captain Troy Handsome of International Rescue, please state the nature of your emergency.
- [the Doctor is desperately trying to persuade Craig to do something that's been fatal for everyone else so far]
- Craig Owens: Will it work?
- The Doctor: Yes!
- Craig Owens: Are you sure?
- The Doctor: Yes!
- Craig Owens: Is that a lie?
- The Doctor: Of course it's a lie!
- Craig Owens: That's good enough for me!
- [Does as the Doctor says]