Community (TV Series)
Romantic Expressionism (2010)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Britta : Fine! I cared. I'm a girly girl. I like boys, and I don't like it when they're mean to me, and I don't like it when they stop kissing me and start kissing my friends, I'm not that cool, I'm not JUNO, homeslice.
Jeff Winger : This is what this was about for you? You were jealous?
Britta : Oh, please. You can't tell me you weren't jealous that Vaughn had his hippie hands all over your debate-slash-make-out partner.
Annie Edison : What are you insinuating? I took that kiss for the team!
Jeff Winger : What?... yeah. That kiss wasn't for pleasure, it was strategic and joyless.
Annie Edison : What?... yeah.
Troy : You did get weirdly specific describing Annie's body.
Jeff Winger : More specific than the stuff you told me about Britta?
Britta , Annie Edison : What?
Shirley Bennett : Does anyone get specific about me?
Pierce Hawthorne : Check your e-mail.
Shirley Bennett : I mark you as spam.
Pierce Hawthorne : Who the hell is Pam?
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Jeff Winger : You know what I don't get? He never wears a shirt; he never wears shoes: why hasn't he died from lack of service?
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Annie Edison : Hey, guys! Thanks for getting involved in my love life, that was super cool and mature of you! Oh, and since you're both clearly idiots, I should probably let you know that I'm being sarcastic!
[storms out]
Troy : Hey, guys! Thanks for taking ugly Annie out of the palm of my hand and turning her into another hottie that will never get with me!
[storms out]
Leonard : Hey, guys! Thanks for eating all the macaroni!
Jeff Winger : Shut up, Leonard! No one even knows what you're talking about!
[Leonard leaves]
Jeff Winger : ...I did eat all the macaroni. It's messed up that he knows.
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Jeff Winger : Troy, I want you to clear your mind.
Troy : DONE.
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Jeff Winger : She's 18! Her taste in men is still being established. Creepier and creepier dudes will start thinking of her as an option, and it all starts with Vaughn. He's a gateway douche-bag.
Britta : People collide! Things happen. It can't be controlled. Right?
Jeff Winger : And that can be your toast at her shotgun wedding to Star-Burns... oh yeah, turn to your left, turn to your right. Yeah, we can see BOTH of them. It's like a constellation on your face... Oh hey man, what's up?
Star-Burns : [waving] You see that guy over there? He's a douchebag.
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Annie Edison : Why are we even talking about this?
Jeff Winger : 'Cause you started having sex with Britta's ex-boyfriend.
Annie Edison : We haven't even kissed yet!
Pierce Hawthorne : That doesn't mean you're not having sex.
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Jeff Winger : Crash course in manipulation: you don't tell the person what you want them to do. You help them realize they want to do it. That way it can't be traced back to you.
Britta : Hmm, got it.
[Jeff and Britta walk up to Troy]
Britta : Chemistry, sexy. You know what else it sexy? Annie.
[Jeff rolls his eyes]
Troy : I know chemistry is sexy, but Annie? I don't see it.
Britta : You really don't see how pretty Annie is?
Troy : Maybe it's because I knew her in high school before she dropped out when she still had acne and a pill addiction and a nervous breakdown ending with her running into a plate-glass window screaming "everyone's a robot!"
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Jeff Winger : Fine, okay. I guess we're not really family. It's more complicated than that because unlike a real family there's nothing to stop any one of us from looking at each other as sexual prospects.
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Jeff Winger : He's got her in some kind of hippie collar. I can hear her armpit hair growing from here.
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Pierce Hawthorne : His songs are dumber than he is.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, but they're honest.
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Jeff Winger : We got to do something.
Britta : Okay, even if I agreed with you, what are we gonna do?
Jeff Winger : Well, I know if we say we disapprove, we'll just drive her further into his hemp-braceleted arms. We need to be smart. We need to hatch a scheme.
Britta : Mm, hatching schemes is not really my wheelhouse.
Jeff Winger : Let's not confine ourselves to your wheelhouse. This problem won't respond to tap dancing or casual revelations that you spent time in New York.
Britta : Okay, if you're gonna get all upper East Side about this, I think we're done.
Star-Burns : Hey, Winger, check out Annie. Somebody just went to the top of my "To Do" list.
[Jeff groans]
Britta : Okay, we need to hatch a scheme.
Jeff Winger : Thank you.
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Jeff Winger : But the point is, we're not telling you what to do.
Britta : Oh, yeah, you didn't hear it from us.
[Britta and Jeff back out of the room]
Troy : I have the weirdest boner.
