The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Excelsior Acquisition (2010)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : [knock knock knock]  Penny?

  [knock knock knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny?

  [Penny immediately opens the door] 

  Penny : [knock knock knock]  Penny?

  Sheldon Cooper : That's just wrong.

• Sheldon Cooper : Good morning, your honor. Doctor Sheldon Cooper appearing in pro se. That means I am representing myself.

  Judge J. Kirby : I know what it means. I went to law school.

  Sheldon Cooper : And yet you wound up in traffic court.

• Sheldon Cooper : I would point out that I am at the top of my profession, while you preside over the kiddie table of yours.

• Sheldon Cooper : This is Stan Lee's front door. We were on Stan Lee's curb, then we were on Stan Lee's walk and now we're at Stan Lee's front door.

  Penny : Yup.

  [Penny rings the doorbell] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, Lord. You just rang Stan Lee's doorbell. It's Stan Lee's house. We're about to go in and have milk and cookies with Stan Lee.

  Penny : Okay. Sweetie, I don't know if we're gonna have cookies or he's just gonna say hi or really what's gonna happen so just let me talk and we'll...

  [the door opens] 

  Stan Lee : Yeah?

  Penny : Are you Stan Lee?

  Stan Lee : Oh damn.

  Penny : Hi. I'm Penny. This is my friend Sheldon.

  Sheldon Cooper : We're not friends at the moment. Depends on how this goes.

  Penny : Right, right. Anyway Sheldon here is a huge fan of yours and he was supposed to meet you the other day at the comic book store but he kind of ended up in jail.

  Stan Lee : I see. And you thought you'd just come over to my house uninvited?

  Sheldon Cooper : You said we *were* invited.

  Penny : Oh, no no, I said I'm inviting *you* to come with *me* to Stan Lee's house.

  Stan Lee : You know, you fanboys are unbelievable! Do you think you can just ring my doorbell any time you want? I mean, why don't you just come on in and watch the Lakers game with me?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, I'm not much of a sports fan, but thank you.

  [walks in. Stan Lee stares at Penny] 

  Penny : Sir, he doesn't really understand sarcasm.

  Stan Lee : Well I'll give him something he'll understand. Joanie! Call the police!

  Penny : Nice to meet you.

  [Penny runs away] 

• [last lines] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, where you been?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'll tell you where I've been. You boys may have had gelato with Stan Lee and gotten autographed comics, but I saw the inside of his house and got an autographed application for a restraining order.

  Howard Wolowitz : [sarcastically]  Sweet.

  Sheldon Cooper : Plus, I get to hang out with him again... at the hearing. This is going to look great, hanging next to my restraining order from Leonard Nimoy.

• Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me? Excuse me, jailer?

  Guard : What?

  Sheldon Cooper : I need to use the restroom.

  Guard : [Motions to cell toilet]  Knock yourself out.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's the toilet?

  Guard : Well, it ain't a wishing well.

  Sheldon Cooper : Please tell the judge I'm ready to apologize.

• Sheldon : [to large man in jail cell]  That's my spot.

• Leonard Hofstadter : It's not that big a deal. You just go down to the court on Thursday and you pay the fine.

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm not gonna pay a fine! That would imply I'm guilty!

  Howard Wolowitz : You *are* guilty.

  [Raj presses a button and his remote-controlled shirt plays the 'Law & Order' "thunk thunk" sound; Raj, Howard and Leonard snicker with laughter] 

  Howard Wolowitz : That one I liked.

• Howard Wolowitz : Sheldon, why do you have all these unopened paychecks in your desk?

  Sheldon Cooper : Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.

  Howard Wolowitz : There, there must be thousands of dollars here! Why don't you put it in the bank?

  Sheldon Cooper : I don't trust banks. I believe when the robots rise up, ATMs will lead the charge.

• Sheldon Cooper : I object! You're completely ignoring the law!

  Judge J. Kirby : No, I'm following the law; I'm ignoring you.

• Sheldon Cooper : I've decided I'm going to have Mr. Lee sign my copy of this month's Batman.

  Leonard Hofstadter : That's crazy; Stan Lee had nothing to do with Batman.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes. Which is why no-one else will ask him to sign one, and I will be the possessor of a unique albeit confusing artifact which will set me apart from the hoi polloi of comic book fandom.

  Raj Koothrappali : That's a great idea; I'm going to get him to sign a Batman as well.

  Sheldon Cooper : What is it about the the word 'unique' you don't understand?

• Sheldon Cooper : I was found guilty and fined $533.

  Penny : I'm gonna write you a check for that as long as you promise to put it in your drawer and never cash it like the others.