How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Rabbit or Duck (2010)

Jason Segel: Marshall Eriksen

Quotes 

• Robin Scherbatsky : So that settles it. Don's a rabbit.

  Ted Mosby : I wouldn't be too sure. Don... Donald... Donald Duck? And what, I wonder, does Donald Duck never wear?

  Lily Aldrin : Pants!

  Ted Mosby : Pants. Don's a duck. Requesting permission to lawyered.

  Marshall Eriksen : I'll allow it.

  Ted Mosby : Lawyered!

• Marshall Eriksen : I mean, look, when you first met Don, you hated him, you thought "This guy's a duck", but one of these days you're gonna realize "This is actually someone that I love, he's a rabbit".

  Ted Mosby : Wow I think you got it backwards there, buddy. The duck is the thing you love, the rabbit is the thing you hate.

  Marshall Eriksen : What?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah I got to agree. Duck's up, rabbit down.

  Lily Aldrin : Definitely. Ducks are better than rabbits.

  Marshall Eriksen : I got... ducks are... ducks are... rabbits are adorable. Ducks are aargh. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? I mean, ducks are... jerks.

  Narrator : This lead to one of the most intense arguments our group has ever had.

  [Flash forward, everyone is yelling] 

  Ted Mosby : Duck is delicious. Rabbit is all gamey.

  Marshall Eriksen : We're not talking about flavour, Ted!

  Ted Mosby : Flavour counts!

  [Flash forward, yelling] 

  Marshall Eriksen : Who carries a duck's foot for good luck? Anyone?

  Robin Scherbatsky : [Flash forward, yelling]  You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I wrap myself in one stuffed with duck feathers. Who's cosier? No, no, no, no, no, no... who's cosier?

  Ted Mosby : [Flash forward]  Hold on, I've got to get another book.

  Ted Mosby : [Flash forward]  Then why don't we take, a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out?

  Marshall Eriksen : Because it's illegal, Ted!

  Ted Mosby : Only if we bet on it, Marshall!

  Marshall Eriksen : [Flash forward]  FINE! I CAN SEE IT! YOU WIN!

• Barney Stinson : Get rid of it!

  Marshall Eriksen : What?

  Barney Stinson : This phone is cursed! It just never stops ringing! I try to ignore it, but I can't! I'ts ruining my life! I should get that.

  [Marshall takes the phone] 

  Barney Stinson : No, let me answer it! It could be an emergency! She might be trapped inside a giant bra!

  Ranjit : Barney, let it go... to voice mail.

• Waiter : And you, Sir? The rabbit or the duck?

  Ted Mosby : What?

  Waiter : It's a pre-fixed menu for Valentine's Day and we're already out of the steak, fish and chicken. So rabbit or duck?

  Ted Mosby : [Regarding his date]  Rabbit. Sorry, guys, I gotta go.

  [he leaves] 

  Marshall Eriksen : Why would Ted order the rabbit if he's just gonna run out?

• Barney Stinson : So, anyone know who won the Super Bowl last night?

  Marshall Eriksen : You should know. You were there...

  Barney Stinson : I won! I now have a magic phone that never stops ringing. And who's usually at the other end? A hot chick. The number of women who want me is now infinity!

• Marshall Eriksen : Well, dog my cats! I think I know what's going on here. Robin... did you WANT Don to ask out?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Whaaat?

  [In a high voice; huffs] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : Nooo, I HATE Don! I-I-I can't stop thinking how much I hate him, it's like, it's like... all the time. I just wanna attack him and rip his stupid clothes off and spank him with his little paddle until his bum's all red. SHUT UP!

  [Leaves the table] 

• Marshall Eriksen : [Running through the bar in search of Ted's future wife]  Hey! Hey, wanna get married?

  Lily Aldrin : [Talking to another girl, annoyed]  I don't know what kind of architect? Houses, buildings, that kind of crap.

  Marshall Eriksen : [to threes girls sitting together]  Wanna marry my friend Ted?

  [to the 2nd one] 

  Marshall Eriksen : Wanna marry my friend Ted?

  [to the 3d one] 

  Marshall Eriksen : Wanna marry my friend Ted?

  Lily Aldrin : You can be choosey? You're in a bar on Valentine's Day, uh!

  Marshall Eriksen : Hey, just real quick...

  [the girl pepper-sprays him, he writhes in pain] 

  Marshall Eriksen : you wanna marry my friend Ted?

• Marshall Eriksen : [Trying to pick a date for Ted]  Trudy?

  Lily Aldrin : Married.

  Marshall Eriksen : Blah Blah?

  Lily Aldrin : Committed.

  Marshall Eriksen : Relationship?

  Lily Aldrin : Bellevue.

  Marshall Eriksen : Natalie?

  Lily Aldrin : Ted's her least favorite person in the world.

  Marshall Eriksen : Well, she's not getting any younger.