- Jo Bennett: You don't get to be the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off. You get there by working hard or marrying rich. And I did both.
- Dwight Schrute: They say no man is an island. False! I am an island, and this island is volcanic, and it's about to erupt with the hot molten lava of strategy.
- Michael Scott: It's Saint Patrick's day. Here in Scranton, St. Patty's day is a big deal. It is the closest the Irish will ever have to Christmas.
- Michael Scott: I'll be on the other side of this wall if you need me. Just one knock for yes, two knocks for no.
- Jo Bennett: How many knocks does it take to get you to do some work?
- Angela Martin: Are you getting sick?
- Kelly Erin Hannon: No. It's just indigestion.
- Angela Martin: In your nose?
- Jim Halpert: I'm not surprised Dwight's using my baby to try to get my desk. I'm a little surprised that it's working.
- Michael Scott: Hello hello. Top of the morning to you! Ooh ooh! Green M&Ms! Nature's Viagra!
- [grabs and pours a large scoop of M&Ms into his coat pocket]
- Michael Scott: Two of my favorite joke areas combined. It'll be a good day.
- Dwight Schrute: TweedleDee and TweedleDumbass have been away on maternity leave, but now TweedleDumbass is back and we have a problem. Yes, getting hooked on Megadesk was my own damn fault but... I don't care about assigning blame. All I care about is Megadesk.