Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)

Community Theater (1998)

Tom Kenny: Tom

Quotes 

• Tom Kenny : I spend some time in Los Angeles, a place that I just can't get a beat on. It's a large metropolitan city that can be crippled by two drops of rain.

  Dr. Katz : Mm-hmm.

  Tom Kenny : You can be driving along, two drops of rain on your windshield, blip blip, you turn on the wiper, it's gone, go home, turn on your television: "Rain POUNDS the south land! Is there ANY end in sight?"

  Dr. Katz : Right.

  Tom Kenny : Meanwhile, I call up my seventy-two year old father in Syracuse, New York, he's just finished shoveling the roof!

  Dr. Katz : Mm-hmm.

  Tom Kenny : And he doesn't see anything weird about that, because that's just something you deal with in a place that has a CLIMATE. "How's it going, dad?" "Oh, pretty good, just shoveled the roof, we had some snow up there. Mary Corona next door was feelin' poorly, so as long as I had the ladder out, I went and shoveled her roof, too. How are things going out there in California?" "Jesus, dad, haven't you heard? Rain is pounding the south land!" We are on a Defcon 4 drizzle alert, dad! We are all on needles and pins!" And God forbid there should be a REAL disaster.

  Dr. Katz : Yeah.

  Tom Kenny : Like a real earthquake. 'Cause even the tiniest, most infinitesimal, inconsequential of earthquakes are, are, are of huge importance!

  Dr. Katz : Mm-hmm.

  Tom Kenny : They will stay on the air for, like, nine hours straight telling you about some dinky little quake out in the desert somewhere. "Here's more on that 1.9 level quake out in Smallville. You can see from the, uh, A&P Mini Market, you can see that can of Juicy-Juice on the bottom shelf just go over and hit the floor and roll. We have Cary Berglund there at that A&P Mini Market, he was there and he saw that can of Juicy-Juice hit the linoleum. Cary?" "Actually, the Juicy-Juice is in aisle six, I was in aisle five, I did not, uh, I did not see the Juicy-Juice fall, but God knows I HEARD it. And it is a sound I hope NEVER to hear again. Tim?" They have NOTHING to say.

  Dr. Katz : Right.

  Tom Kenny : And then, YOUR news, the news you're watching to be informed about the world, becomes the "what if" news! "Today's earthquake out in the desert was a 1.9, just a small temblor, according to seismologists at UCLA. But what IF it had been a 9.1? Would you survive? Would your family survive? Our 25-part series "surviving the big one" starts this week on channel 7 news. We urge you and your family to watch! What if the big quake hit? What if you were working in a store that sold nothing but sharp jagged knives made of glass? Would you survive? Would your family survive?"