Castle (TV Series)

The Mistress Always Spanks Twice (2010)

Nathan Fillion: Richard Castle

Photos 

Quotes 

• [looking at the bondage website for clues] 

  Kevin Ryan , Javier Esposito : Oh!

  Javier Esposito : No, no, no, no, no.

  Kevin Ryan : How do you even get in that position?

  Javier Esposito : I don't know, but you should try that with your, uh, girlfriend, honey milk. As a matter of fact, I'm going to buy this for you right now.

  Richard Castle : [walking over to look]  Oh, jeez. How do you even get in that position?

  Kevin Ryan : Right? It's not even possible.

  Kate Beckett : [glancing at the screen]  Oh, it's possible.

  [Castle, Esposito, and Ryan look at her] 

• Kate Beckett : [looking through the victim's PhD research]  It says here that Mistress Venom works in a bondage club somewhere in Dungeon Alley, but it doesn't say which one.

  Richard Castle : [fond reminiscence]  Dungeon Alley.

  Kate Beckett : It's an area between Chelsea and Midtown. There's a whole slew of fetish clubs there.

  Richard Castle : Yes, I know where Dungeon Alley is. I want to know... how do you know?

• Richard Castle : Remember, my safe word is "apples."

• Kate Beckett : [looking at the victim]  Bondage cuffs, custom-made. Looks like our killer liked public play.

  Richard Castle : How can you tell the difference between custom and regular?

  Kate Beckett : The leather is too high-quality to be mass produced, and it's hand stitched.

  Richard Castle : No, I mean how can *you* tell the difference?

• Richard Castle : Psychology doesn't make any sense. The crime scene was pretty elaborately staged, which seems to suggest a significant amount of premeditation, but the murder itself, suffocation, might indicate a crime of passion.

  Kevin Ryan : The guy covered her in caramel. Do you really think we're gonna find a logical explanation?

  Kate Beckett : Only a handful of bondage shops in the city do custom work, so let's take photos of those cuffs, send it out, see if anyone can ID where it came from.

  [Ryan and Esposito leave] 

  Richard Castle : "Only a handful of shops"? Okay, what aren't you telling me?

  Kate Beckett : So much, Castle. So very, very much.

• [Ryan searching a bondage website for leads] 

  Kevin Ryan : It's a little creepy doing this with you breathing on my neck.

  Javier Esposito : Oh, sorry, bro. I'd do it on mine, but IA checks browser history, so...

  Kevin Ryan : [sarcastically]  Great. Thanks.

  Javier Esposito : What does that thing do?

  Kevin Ryan : Looks like a potato peeler.

  Javier Esposito : Oh, that is nasty.

  Richard Castle : [entering, glancing at the screen]  And illegal in twelve states.

• Kevin Ryan : Vic's a female, late twenties. No ID. She was found hanging from the monkey bars by a jogger just after dawn.

  Richard Castle : Is that honey?

  Lanie Parish : From the smell of it, I'd say it's caramel sauce. But I'll be testing, not tasting.

  Kate Beckett : Caramel sauce?

  Richard Castle : Maybe our killer has a sweet tooth.

  Kate Beckett : Give her state of undress, I'd say it's more likely he had a sexual fetish.

  Lanie Parish : Yeah. I can do the chocolate, I'll even do the whipped cream bikini, but caramel?

  [Castle grabs Ryan's arm] 

  Lanie Parish : I prefer slippery to sticky.

  Richard Castle : [to Ryan]  Does she know we can hear her?

  [Ryan laughs] 

• Kate Beckett : [Castle and Esposito are ribbing Ryan about his girlfriend]  You guys, give him a break. I wouldn't bring my boyfriend around here, either.

  Richard Castle : Boyfriend? Did I miss something?

• Kevin Ryan : [ending a phone call]  So, that was Barry from the Love Shackle. He says the cuff might be theirs, but he'd have to examine them closely to know for sure.

  Kate Beckett : Well, then have Evidence pull them and tell them I'm coming.

  Richard Castle : [as Beckett leaves]  Oh, field trip trip to a sex store.

  [whispering to Ryan and Espositio] 

  Richard Castle : I love this case.

• [last lines] 

  Richard Castle : [having finally met Ryan's girlfriend Jenny]  So, what about this imaginary boyfriend of yours? Are we going to see him around here? Or is he at home tied to a bed?

  Kate Beckett : What's the matter, Ricky? You jealous?

  Richard Castle : No. You only get to punish him at night. You punish me all day.

  Kate Beckett : Well, you deserve it.

  Richard Castle : [feigning offense]  What did I do to you?

  Kate Beckett : Let's just start with the first day we met...

• Richard Castle : You know, you should moonlight. Seriously, you would make a fortune. Come on, haven't you ever wanted to do... something with your handcuffs other than... arrest criminals?

  Kate Beckett : [in a sultry voice]  No... but there is one hot... wild... kinky thing that I do like doing.

  [listening in anticipation, Castle's arm slips off the table in surprise] 

  Kate Beckett : [normal voice]  Putting killers behind bars.

  Richard Castle : See? You're already a tease. You're halfway there.

• [at The Love Shackle, a bondage shop] 

  Richard Castle : You know, while we're here, we should really pick up something for that new imaginary boyfriend of yours.

  [looking over racks] 

  Richard Castle : Oh... This his speed?

  [Castle holds up and swings a spiked paddle] 

  Kate Beckett : No. But if you keep talking, I'll put you in one of these.

  [Beckett holds up a bondage mask and zips the mouth closed] 

• [first lines] 

  [Alexis dancing in the living room] 

  Alexis Castle : Six, seven, eight. One and two, three and four...

  Richard Castle : Why are you so Beyonce this morning? You got a... school dance coming up?

  Alexis Castle : No. Ashley gave me some of her cheer routine. She's been on the JV for two years and she wants me to try out for the squad.

  Richard Castle : Cheerleading?

  Alexis Castle : Yeah, why?

  Richard Castle : Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?

  Alexis Castle : What's wrong with cheerleading?

  Richard Castle : No, no, nothing's... nothing's... I'm just, I didn't know you wanted to be one.

  Alexis Castle : Me either. But I watched Ashley practice and it looks like fun. And my college counselor, Ms. Schaefer, said I need to consider diversifying my activities. I figure I'm a natural because I root for you all the time.

• Kevin Ryan : Hey... we tried to trace the creepy calls that Jessica was getting at her office, but since they were routed through the main switchboard at the college, there's no way to determine their source.

  Kate Beckett : What about the cell phone?

  Javier Esposito : The day she died, she placed a call to her boyfriend at the hospital, she placed a call to her voicemail at the office, and she placed two calls to Lady Irena's House of Pain.

  Kate Beckett : Lady Irena's House of Pain. That must be where Mistress Venom works. Did you get an address?

  Javier Esposito : Yeah. An office building on 38th.

  Kevin Ryan : Oh. Conveniently located for all your lunchtime spanking needs.

  Kate Beckett : All right, you guys look through her notes, see if there's anything that's there that might implicate one of her clients. Meanwhile, Castle and I will go and meet this Mistress Venom.

  Richard Castle : Whips, women, and murder. Sounds like my lucky day!

• Richard Castle : You know you are morally challenged if your murder alibi is a blackmailing scheme.

• Richard Castle : [to Alexis]  Well, we both learned a valuable lesson today. You learned that you can expand your horizons and grow. I learned that, if that involves short skirts and boys, I'm not going to like it.

• Kate Beckett : Apparently her dissertation compares the overt expressions of dominance in the dungeon to more subtle expressions in real-world relationships... like who drives.

  Richard Castle : Hey, I would drive if you would let me.

  [pause] 

  Richard Castle : That didn't actually prove my point like I thought it would.