The Penguins of Madagascar (TV Series)

Miss Understanding/Over Phil (2009)

Tom McGrath: Skipper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alice : The penguin is native to Antarctica.

  Smart Kid : Ooh, ooh, did you know a group of penguins is called a rookery?

  Alice : It's a bird, but it doesn't fly.

  Smart Kid : Did you know that penguins can swim 15 miles an hour?

  Skipper : Keep an eye on Johnny Smart-glasses. The boy knows too much.

  Rico : [gets behind the kid with a baseball bat]  Hey, batter, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter, batter...

  Skipper : Not yet. I wanna know where he gets his intel.

  Smart Kid : Did you know the only way to tell boy penguins from girl penguins is a DNA test, huh?

  Skipper : Never mind, boys. Kid's off his wingnut.

  [scoffs] 

  Skipper : Like we need some DNA test to tell us we're 100% Antarctic macho.

  Rico : Hoo-ah!

  Alice : Listen, kid! All I know is we've got three males and a female. The birds know which is which.

  Rico : [looks down at his crotch]  Um...

• Skipper : Loogie hocking. That's how a real man gives a DNA sample. Am I right?

• Skipper : Wrong. Wrong! Double wrong! Wrong infinity! There's no way I'm a female!

  Kowalski : All right, what you are experiencing are the five stages of grief. Right now you're at stage one, denial.

  Skipper : I am not! All I'm saying is, your stupid machine is wrong!

  Kowalski : Well, it's based on scientific...

  Skipper : Then science is wrong! And you're wrong! Everybody's wrong but me! I demand a different test!

• Skipper : [the penguins are in their car]  What's the hold up?

  Kowalski : [looking at the zoo map]  Hang in there, Skipper. I-I'm sure the zoo must have a ladies room somewhere. I just never really paid attention before.

  Skipper : You know, we could just stop and ask for directions.

  [the car stops] 

  Skipper : What is happening to me? Curse you, DNA!

• Private : Let's try a little role playing. Pretend I'm Phil.

  Mason : A bit of a reach, but very well.

  Private : Now pretend I just made a mess.

  Mason : Oh, Phil, another mess, which I have to clean up.

  King Julien : No, no! That is all wrong!

  [Jumps around like a monkey] 

  King Julien : Ooh, ooh! I sure do like a tire swing! Ooh!

  Skipper : It's uncanny.

  Kowalski : I know.

  Private : Now do me!

  King Julien : Okay

  [Jumps like monkey again] 

  King Julien : Ooh, ooh! I sure do like stinky fish! Ooh!

• Private : They're behaving like animals.

  Skipper : Private, please. They're behaving like mammals. Let's not lump birds and reptiles in with this crowd.

• [Skipper is blindfolded and holding a pin] 

  Kowalski : Take your time, Skipper. There is no right or wrong answer.

  [Skipper puts a pin on the picture in front of him and takes off the blind fold; the picture has a monster truck on one side, and a pink pony on the other; the pin is on the pony] 

  Kowalski : Madam?

  Skipper : Lies!

  [attacks the picture] 

  Kowalski : I see we're in stage two, anger. Next, we should see bargaining.

  Skipper : Hey, Private. How's about we trade DNA results? Come on.

  Private : Skipper, I don't think that's how it...

  Kowalski : Depression...

  Skipper : [rolling on the floor, crying]  My life is over! It's over! It's over, over, over!

  Kowalski : And finally, acceptance.

  Skipper : Well, I guess you got to play the hand you're dealt. Rico, hit me with a pretty pink bow.

• Skipper : Friends, in peril. Danger, growing. Commander mojo, returning.

  Maurice : My butt, frying!

• Private : I think a wonderful way to begin would be to say something positive about Phil.

  Mason : Very well. I am positive that Phil is disgusting and inconsiderate.

  [Phil signs] 

  Skipper : What did he say?

  Kowalski : No idea.

  Mason : Go pound bananas?

  Rico : Ooooh!

  Kowalski : Tell it like it is, primate!

  Skipper : You go!

• Mason : Oh, you wouldn't understand! No one understands!

  Skipper : You can't bear not having someone to clean up after, so you made messes for yourself.

  Mason : Oh, I stand corrected. You understand completely.

• Marlene : Skipper, girl stuff just means whatever you like to do. If you're into the commando stuff, being a girl doesn't change that.

  Skipper : Of course not. It just means now I'm not good at it. Now, hit me with some chiffon, doll face. I've got a hankering to sew me some curtains.

  [offstage commotion] 

  Marlene : That sounded like trouble. Shouldn't you go out there and do something?

  Skipper : Land sakes, no! That sounded dangerous. Now, how about we stay here and gossip about boys?

  [Marlene drags Skipper out by the bow on his head] 

  Skipper : Hey, that's no way to treat a lady!

• Kowalski : But how could Alice be so wrong about there being a girl penguin?

  Skipper : Ah, she's a mammal. Everyone knows they're all morons.

  Marlene : What?

  Private : [Holds Marlene back]  We'll work on that one later.

• Skipper : I think we all learned a valuable lesson here today. Boy, girl, what really matters is... how well you use a pink bow whip in a crisis situatuion.

  Marlene : See, I don't think that was...

  [Skipper snaps whip at her, she grumbles] 

• Skipper : What kind of sick mind would leave messes over and over?

  Kowalski : I've worked out a profile of our perp.

  [Shows outline drawing of chimp] 

  Skipper : I know that face.

  Mason : [steps in front of profile]  Good evening. Oh, another mess! Here, let me clean it!

  Skipper : Stand back. This is a crime scene.

  Mason : It's no trouble, really.

  Kowalski : Somewhere in this mess, the perpetrator left a calling card. He might as well have signed his name.