- Andy Doonan: Debbie, guess what Ross's surname is?
- Debbie Doonan: Kemp, he said so earlier. Keep your hair on...
- Andy Doonan: Kemp! His name is Ross Kemp!
- Ross Kemp: Yeah and its funny cos I sound like him, it can lead to some tricky situations on the phone.
- Mr Carr: He does it on purpose. Phoning up the library, ordering gay porn.
- Ross Kemp: I did it once, don't exaggerate.
- Mr Carr: Telling them that Rebecca Wade will be in to pick it up later.
- Ross Kemp: You thought it was funny.
- Mr Carr: Making me wear chicken fillets and a red curly wig...
- Ross Kemp: Get a life, Nathan! And a decent face!
- Mr Carr: Don't raise your voice like that to me, Ross!
- Ross Kemp: How do you want me to raise it
- [in a high pitched voice]
- Ross Kemp: like this?
- Mr Carr: Drop dead, Ross, yeah?
- Ross Kemp: I wouldn't give you the satisfaction.
- Mr Carr: You've never given me satisfaction dear...
- Ross Kemp: The only thing you've given me is warts!
- Andy Doonan: The way yous two argue is hilarious!
- Mr Carr: I had no idea that we were living next door to so many of my students!
- Ross Kemp: I'm surprised you're not hyperventilating.
- Mr Carr: And why would I be hyperventilating?
- Ross Kemp: Worried that they're all gonna out you on Monday.
- Mr Carr: That's a little bit unfair, Ross.
- Ashlene Doonan: Oh, don't worry, I won't tell no one. I'm really knowledgeable about gay stuff and shit. So which one of you's the bloke and who's the bitch?
- Debbie Doonan: Ashlene!
- Simon Doonan: So what do we do now?
- Kylie: Wait.
- Simon Doonan: We can't stay here!
- Kylie: Why not?
- Simon Doonan: There'll be lines of people in wheelchairs with overflowing colostomies!
- Kylie: Do I look like I care?