Knights of Badassdom (2013)

Jimmi Simpson: Ronnie Kwok

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ronnie Kwok : Did you read this page?

  Eric : Um... why?

  Ronnie Kwok : Did you read it?

  Joe : Yes, yes! Holy fuck, yes! We read it, and it scared that crazy chick back to hell, or wherever the fuck she came from. And if that doesn't give me level twenty seven I don't know what will Kwoks so why don't you pony up.

  Ronnie Kwok : No, no no no. Ok, it all makes sense.

  Joe : It makes no sense, it's gibberish.

  Ronnie Kwok : It makes sense! It makes sense that you speak enochian!

  Eric : Enochian, what? You made that up.

  Ronnie Kwok : This is the sigalomaimith. It is the only one of it's kind. It was handwritten in the sixteenth century by the mystic John Dee and it has been lost for generations.

  Eric : Uh bullshit. It came from the internet, not the sixteenth century. If you're trying to get out of admitting how awesome I am...

  Ronnie Kwok : John Dee was trying to summon angels, but evil travels under it's own power he actually summoned demons, and the demons forged this book!

  Joe : What are you saying Kwok?

  Ronnie Kwok : Dee tried to destroy it, but he couldn't, so he sealed it and he hid it deep underneath his manner estate, and it has been lost for generations. But here it is, in your incapable hands, and you summoned a succubus from hell! And then this last passage that you just read, the herald of Abominog. And in the language, "Lay the name of the hell lord Abominog, and I hath spoken the name, and hell hath raineth down!" You didn't injure it you ignorant fuck, you transformed it!

  Eric : [pauses]  Sorry.

• Hung : I can hear the breeze on my skin. 'Tis burnt orange.

  Lando : And in English?... What the fuck's he saying?

  Ronnie Kwok : [whispering]  I don't know.

  Hung : There's electricity in the air.

  Lando : Ok Ronnie, so if he goes insane can I inherit his experience points?

  Ronnie Kwok : You are obsessed with experience points. No, let's not talk about that now.

  Lando : I'm just saying, that's a waste of experience. I could use that.

  Hung : Still thy cowardly tongue!

• Ronnie Kwok : If you don't stop complaining, the gods of Vincebus are going to curse all your characters with a case of evil herpes!

• Ronnie Kwok : Joe Revitt's here? What the frack, Eric. I hate that guy!

  Eric : Ronald, Ronald, why be so petty? I mean, surely, you're not still sore about your syphilitic paladin. Perhaps the pages of your monster manual remain... stucketh together?

  Ronnie Kwok : [pause]  For old time sake, he's in.

• Ronnie Kwok : [sung]  And your appeasement of the gods of Vincebus...

  [normal voice] 

  Ronnie Kwok : have failed.

  Eric : What? Seven blood packs not enough, Ronnie?

• Ronnie Kwok : That looks terrible. My three year-old nephew could make a better map. And he's got learning disabilities. It'll have to do. You my friend are on dragon duty. Take these and make sure that we are good to go. And dragon rider... just don't fuck with my stereo.

• Ronnie Kwok : What the fuck was that man? Oh my god she was not normal, she was like some she-beast from the... Oh my sweet shit. Oh my sweet sweet shit Eric, you fucking asshole, I have to warn him. Where the fuck am I? They suck at making maps!