Psych (TV Series)

A Very Juliet Episode (2010)

Timothy Omundson: Carlton Lassiter

Quotes 

• Carlton Lassiter : I want you to listen to me, O'Hara. And believe this, because I mean it from the bottom of my heart. All romance ends in despair. Or death, but mostly despair. Gut-wrenching despair. And I'm-I-I hate to say this, but I'm actually happy that this happened because now you know. And it's just going to make you a better cop to realize that all people are essentially just out there to destroy any chance of happiness you will ever have.

  [Long pause] 

  Carlton Lassiter : I feel a hug coming on.

• Carlton Lassiter : Turns out Juliet's boyfriend was working for a company owned by the infamous J.T. Waring.

  Burton Guster : Nope.

  Shawn Spencer : Come on, Gus, she wrote all the Harry Potters.

  Burton Guster : That's J.K. Rowling, Shawn.

  Carlton Lassiter : J.T. Waring is a Los Angeles mobster, went down for racketeering a few years ago.

  Shawn Spencer : What's racketeering?

  Carlton Lassiter : Nobody knows.

• Juliet O'Hara : [on reconnecting with Scott]  I feel like that scene in "Grease".

  Carlton Lassiter : After the bonfire? When Sandy sprung on Danny when he least expects it?

  [long pause] 

  Carlton Lassiter : What? I can't see movies, too?

  Juliet O'Hara : That is spot on. With scary precision.

• Burton Guster : Are you sure it's cool for us to be in the chief's office?

  Carlton Lassiter : Of course it is, I practically run this place.

  Shawn Spencer : All right...

  Carlton Lassiter : Hit the deck!

  [All crouch under the table] 

  Carlton Lassiter : [whispering]  It's the biscuit lady.

  [cart passes] 

  Carlton Lassiter : [gets up]  All right, we're good.

  [Gus stares at Lassiter] 

  Carlton Lassiter : I owe her eighty cents. And I... I kind of made out with her at the department picnic.

• Carlton Lassiter : Get down!

  [Pulls Shawn and Gus under the table] 

  Shawn Spencer : That was a dude.

  Burton Guster : That must have been some crazy picnic.

• Carlton Lassiter : Here's the thing, O'Hara: You haven't seen this guy in, like, seven years. You're both entirely different people. The only way you'll know anything is if you get to know each other again. Everything else is pure speculation. It's like... like wondering what would have happened if Kenickie had driven down Thunder Road.

  Juliet O'Hara : Are we still on "Grease"?

  Carlton Lassiter : We never weren't.

• Carlton Lassiter : I want you to know, you have my blessing.

  Juliet O'Hara : For what?

  Carlton Lassiter : To consumate your relationship with Scott.

  Juliet O'Hara : Whoa, Carlton!

  Carlton Lassiter : I just meant that, should this thing work out, this guy's okay in my book. Look, I dont get to be a confidant all that often - ever, for anybody, because people don't really talk to me. So I... I wanted to give this careful consideration. And, after a thorough background check and an unauthorized blood test, I get what you see in this guy.