Photos
Quotes
-
Malory Archer : Have I made myself clear?
Sterling Archer : You're looking for the answer 'yes'?
Malory Archer : Yes!
Sterling Archer : Then... yes.
-
Sterling Archer : Looks like we've got a Mexican standoff, Kremensky.
Krenshaw : How is this a Mexican standoff?
Agent Lana Kane : Dumbass.
Krenshaw : I don't care if you shoot her.
Cyril Figgis : I do.
Krenshaw : But what if I shoot *her*, mama's boy?
Malory Archer : Sterling.
Krenshaw : Yes, picture her dead in the gutter...
Malory Archer : Sterling!
Krenshaw : ...and what your pathetic life will be like without old mommy dearest.
Agent Lana Kane : Jesus Christ!
Malory Archer : What?
Cyril Figgis : What is it?
Agent Lana Kane : He's got an erection!
Malory Archer : What?
Krenshaw : What the hell is wrong with you people?
[pushes Malory away, and gets shot]
Sterling Archer : Nothing. You on the other hand -
[Malory hits him with her purse]
Sterling Archer : ow! OW!
Malory Archer : An erection?
Sterling Archer : Hey! What's in there - buckles?
Malory Archer : The thought of me dead give you an erection?
Sterling Archer : No, just half of one. The other half would have really missed you. I mean, not... ugh.
[Malory sighs]
Sterling Archer : Johnny Bench called.
-
[last lines]
Malory Archer : Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.
-
Sterling Archer : And speaking of lame, my code name...
Malory Archer : Was chosen at random by the ISIS computer.
Sterling Archer : Random? It was your dog's name.
Malory Archer : Ohh, Dutchess.
[Looks longingly at picture of her and the dog]
Malory Archer : I loved her so much.
Sterling Archer : That it was creepy and pathetic?
Malory Archer : And if you were half as smart as she was...
Sterling Archer : She wasn't too smart to die from eating chocolate, was she?
Malory Archer : [Gasps] Exercise terminated!
Sterling Archer : All right; that's lunch then.
-
Malory Archer : ISIS isn't your own personal travel agency. It doesn't exist so you can jet off to Whore Island.
Sterling Archer : That's not... a real place.
Malory Archer : I have 50 agents who'd literally kill to move up to your position. And if you don't square your operations account by Monday, they won't need to. Your position will be VACANT!... Sterling?
Sterling Archer : Hmm? Sorry, I was picturing Whore Island.
-
Sterling Archer : Mother, look out! Krenshaw is a mole.
Malory Archer : Oh Pam's just full of crap as she is carbohydrates. Now...
Krenshaw : [holds gun to Malory's head] Not this time you impossible bitch!
[pause]
Krenshaw : Also, you should all be nicer to Pam.
-
Malory : What is the point of these situations...
Sterling Archer : Crenshaw's arousal?
Malory : - if you don't take them seriously?
-
Malory : Ugh... it smells like a whorehouse in here.
Sterling Archer : Something something, your own fingers.
Malory : What?
Sterling Archer : Nothing... Johnny Bench called.