- Penny: Here, what's going on?
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's a little hard to explain. He does this thing where he pretends he's in an alternate dimension that occupies the same physical space we're in, but he can't perceive us.
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't flatter yourself; I'm just ignoring you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Let me ask you something: do you think it's okay for Penny to have an ex-boyfriend sleep on her couch?
- Howard Wolowitz: No, I mean she's obviously way out of line...
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thank you.
- Howard Wolowitz: But if she dumps you, she'll have a new boyfriend by tomorrow morning, and you'll have a new girlfriend when you figure out how to build one.
- Stuart: I was thinking of closing early and going home but, let's face it, that's just a smaller lonely room filled with comic books.
- [first lines]
- Penny: Wow, Sheldon, I can not believe you made up your own game.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, "Research Lab" is more than a game. Like the slogan says, "the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real."
- Leonard Hofstadter: We must not be playing it right.
- Sheldon Cooper: [to Raj and Howard, finally having heard enough] Stop it! Both of you! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents!
- [Imitating his mother]
- Sheldon Cooper: "Damn it, George, I told you if you didn't quit drinking I'd leave you!"
- [Imitating his father]
- Sheldon Cooper: "Well, I guess that makes you a liar, 'cause I'm drunk as hell and you're still here!"
- [as his mother]
- Sheldon Cooper: "Stop yelling, you're making Sheldon cry!"
- [as his father]
- Sheldon Cooper: "I'll tell you what's making Sheldon cry: that I let you name him Sheldon!"
- [Storms out of the comic book store]
- Penny: I hear you don't like my stuffed animals, my driving or my punctuality.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What? Who would tell you something like that?
- [immediately looking at Sheldon]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why would you tell her something like that?
- Penny: Hey.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey.
- [pause]
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're, uh, going to the movies.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, we're not. We're standing in the hallway, suffering through an awkward encounter.
- Penny: How 'bout we buy you this robot, and then we all go home.
- Sheldon Cooper: I want that one.
- Penny: Okay, you can have that one.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, come on! He's just going to play with it twice, and it'll end up in his closet with all the other junk.
- Penny: Buy him the robot, Leonard.
- Sheldon Cooper: Can I get this comic book too?
- Penny: Yes, you can.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, when that woman moved in three years ago, I told you not to talk to her, and now look, we're going to be late for the movies.
- Debbie Wolowitz: Howard, answer the door! I'm busy!
- Howard Wolowitz: I'm busy too! You answer it!
- Debbie Wolowitz: I can't! I'm on the toilet!
- Howard Wolowitz: God's sake, I don't need to hear that! Can't you just say, "I 'm busy?"
- Debbie Wolowitz: I said, "I'm busy," but that wasn't good enough for you!
- Howard Wolowitz: I hope it's one of those home invasion deals and they shoot me in the head.
- Debbie Wolowitz: Well, if it's a home invader, don't tell them I'm on the toilet!
- Penny: Are you ready to apologize?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Penny: Ehh! Wrong answer. But thank you for playing.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Come on. This is stupid.
- Penny: Oh, there it is again. You think I'm stupid.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No. There's a difference between being and acting stupid.
- Penny: Oh, yeah? Well, there's a difference between being a jerk and being an ass.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, there isn't. They're synonyms.
- Raj Koothrappali: Why don't you think I can find a woman for myself?
- Mrs. Koothrappali: You're 27, the closest thing we have to a daughter-in-law is that Jewish boy, Howard!
- Penny: Come on, Sheldon, let's go home.
- Sheldon Cooper: I've heard that before. Then the next thing you know, I'm hiding in my bedroom, blaring a Richard Feynman lecture, while my mom is shouting that Jesus would forgive her if she put ground glass in my dad's meatloaf. And my dad's on the roof skeet shooting her Franklin Mint collectible plates.