Community (TV Series)
Home Economics (2009)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Shirley Bennett : Jeff, do you need a place to stay?
Troy Barnes : I'd offer, but my dad's kind of racist.
Abed Nadir : You could stay with me in the dorms. My room has a bunk bed, which is kind of a misnomer, because it's the real deal.
Jeff Winger : The next person that offers me charity or pity will be mentioned by name in my suicide note.
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Jeff Winger : [after Britta turns off the TV] Hey, what are you doing? That was "The Jeffersons," honky!
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Britta Perry : You need to move on with your life.
Jeff Winger : Yeah, move on with my life? Shmove shmon shmith shmy shmife.
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Abed Nadir : Great to have somebody to watch stuff with. My dad never wanted to watch anything, so I was raised by TV.
Jeff Winger : TV's the best dad there is. TV never came home drunk. TV never forgot me at the zoo. TV never abused and insulted me. Unless you count Cop Rock.
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Britta Perry : I was wrong, okay? Material possessions are important. Think how much happier the Jeffersons were than that family on "Good Times".
Jeff Winger : Yeah, but they had good times.
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Jeff Winger : You are way out of your element here, aren't you?
Britta Perry : Yes, and I do not believe a single word I am saying... for me. But for you? Maybe you're one of those rare people with nothing underneath the surface. Maybe if you put stain remover on a turd, you don't get a diamond. You just get a turd with less direction in life.
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Abed Nadir : You're Goldie Hawn, Jeff.
Jeff Winger : I'm sorry?
Abed Nadir : You're Goldie Hawn.
Jeff Winger : Is it the lips?
Abed Nadir : No. In Overboard, she was just like you. Wealthy, assertive, arrogant, got manicures all the time. She fell off her boat and it was good for her. She realized she was happier poor, raising unruly boys with Kurt Russell.
Jeff Winger : Can I not be Kurt Russell?
Abed Nadir : Do whatever you want. You just have to know what that is. For me, it's Lucky Charms and TV.
Jeff Winger : I could use a break.
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Britta Perry : Hey. Wow. You guys are really dorming it up in here, huh?
Jeff Winger : Yeah. In the last two days, I've spent a quarter.
Abed Nadir : We're having the time of our lives.
Britta Perry : See? Who needs platinum faucets? Do you guys even have faucets in here?
Jeff Winger : There's a communal bathroom down the hallway. It actually helped me come to terms with losing my condo. You don't sit on a toilet like that until you've left the material world behind.
Jeff Winger , Abed Nadir : Pavel!
Pavel : Hey, bros.
Jeff Winger : This is Pavel. He lives next door. He's from Poland.
Abed Nadir : [speaks in polish] Czesc kolega, to jest Britta.
Pavel : Britta!
[singing]
Pavel : I'm getting rid of Britta / Getting rid of the B
Britta Perry : Excuse me. I have a future murder victim to visit.
Jeff Winger : Cool.
Abed Nadir : Cool.
Jeff Winger : Cool, cool, cool.
Pavel : Sorry?
Abed Nadir : [speaks in polish] siadaj
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Britta Perry : You guys weren't in Spanish class.
Jeff Winger : Knight Rider marathon.
Abed Nadir : The shadowy flight into the world of a man who does not exist. Britta, may I have a word?
Jeff Winger : Has this always been here?
Abed Nadir : You need to take Jeff back.
Britta Perry : Mmm. Never had him, don't want him, especially now. He's got a real Phil Spector vibe going.
Abed Nadir : He's like E.T. He crashed in my place and we're friends now, which is great for me, but bad for him. He needs to get back.
Britta Perry : What am I supposed to do?
Abed Nadir : Use your lady parts.
Britta Perry : Abed!
Abed Nadir : Don't be naive, Britta. The charge between you two is keeping him going. Tell him you'll make love to him if he takes a shower and finds a nice place to live.
Jeff Winger : I'm heading back. Pavel's making bobka.
Abed Nadir : Do it, Britta. Seduce him. Draw the tapeworm of Jeff's old self out with the bowl of milk that is your sexuality.
Britta Perry : No.
Abed Nadir : Then say goodbye to E.T.
Jeff Winger : [at vending machine] Abed, it's open.
