- Jeff Winger: Britta, I'm saying this because I care about you and I'm your friend. You need to start smoking again.
- Jeremy Simmons: [after he propels himself from his wheelchair and Jeff catches him] He hates me, yet he caught me. Man is good.
- [Annie kisses Jeff, who then drops Simmons]
- Annie Edison: He was horny, so he dropped him. Man is evil.
- Annie Edison: Maybe Simmons is right. You really are all sizzle and no steak. You probably couldn't beat him if you tried.
- Jeff Winger: What do you mean I can't beat him? You and I are going to study harder than we've ever studied before and beat City College tomorrow.
- Annie Edison: Really?
- Jeff Winger: No. Who am I? iCarly?
- Troy: [Watching Abed's film, he sees a character like him also named Troy] This is wrinkling my brain.
- Abed's Troy: This is wrinkling my brain.
- Troy: *That's* wrinkling my brain!
- Jeff Winger: Ugh!
- Annie Edison: What's wrong?
- Jeff Winger: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow.
- Annie Edison: It's called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.
- Jeff Winger: I hate it!
- Annie Edison: Well get used to it! You're knee-deep in it now, brother. This is debate!
- Professor Whitman: Little trick for achieving the proper competitive mindset: I always envision my opponent having aggressive sex with my mother.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Now I gotta start the whole joke all over again. Okay, so this...
- Britta: No!
- [slams fist against the table]
- Britta: I've got one for you. A doddering, old fool walks into a bar, tells a stupid joke, and I crush his windpipe with my 3-ring binder.
- Shirley Bennett: [Giggles]
- Shirley Bennett: I don't get it.
- Professor Whitman: Jeffrey, as debate coach, I am offering you the opportunity to spend the night drinking from the cup of life, rather than romancing your nether regions in front of the E! channel.
- Shirley Bennett: Be careful, Abed thinks you two are gonna kiss. Ha ha ha! Ridiculous.
- [Shirley leaves]
- Jeff Winger: Us kissing? That's ridiculous.
- Annie Edison: Totally.
- [They stare each other]
- Pierce Hawthorne: [Jeff is wearing matching shirt and socks] By the way, Jeff, I think your shirt's trying to get out of your pants.
- Jeff Winger: Now I realize Mr. Simmons' quote was from the great Franz Wickmeyer. Mine was just from a simple desert handyman named Jesus.
- [dramatic underscore]
- Shirley Bennett: [stands, applauds and cheers] Oh, that's nice!
- Abed Nadir: [Abed, Shirley and Troy enter shot] Shirley, I don't have powers. Trust me. In my next film, we discover that Pierce is an actual genius.
- Shirley Bennett: Well, that's not gonna happen.
- Abed Nadir: No, it's not.
- [Shirley and Troy exit shot]
- Britta: [Britta and Pierce enter shot] Pierce, I can't smoke a cigarette without thinking of a three-way in your hot tub. You did it.
- Pierce Hawthorne: Yes. I did?
- Britta: You're a genius.
- [Abed looks confused]
- Pierce Hawthorne: Ah! Who's the third?
- Pierce Hawthorne: This is a real barn-burner.
- [a look of confusion]
- Pierce Hawthorne: God, did I just say cross-burner?
- Shirley Bennett: [irritated] No, you did not.
- Pierce Hawthorne: [quietly] Oh, good.