How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Sexless Innkeeper (2009)

Alyson Hannigan: Lily Aldrin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : We're sorry we haven't been returning your calls, and we respect you too much to give you the old song-and-dance, so here's the truth. The US Navy has found intelligent life at the bottom of the ocean, and for reasons too complicated to explain, Robin and I have been chosen to lead the expedition.

  Lily Aldrin : That's just like the kind of line you give your dates when you want to dump them.

  Marshall Eriksen : But if it's true, that would be awesome.

• Lily Aldrin : [Standing outside their apartment]  How do we know you two won't hurt us again?

  Robin Scherbatsky : You don't.

  Marshall Eriksen : You know what? We have two very nice people up in that apartment Who are perfect for us.

  Barney Stinson : Then what are you doing, standing out in the rain with us?

  Lily Aldrin : Damn it. Why is there something so attractive about a bad boy... And girl?

  Marshall Eriksen : I think we can change them.

  Lily Aldrin : Come here, you two.

  [Group hug] 

  Barney Stinson : We'll never sleep on the Gouda again!

• Barney Stinson : Ah, tweed. Fabric of the eunuch.

  Lily Aldrin : I've always wondered why tweed jackets have those elbow pads?

  Barney Stinson : That's because people who wear tweed are always going...

  [Puts head on hands and elbows on table] 

  Barney Stinson : Aw, gee. When will I get laid?

• [after the double date between Lily and Marshall and Barney and Robin] 

  Lily Aldrin : Nailed it!

  Marshall Eriksen : Best date night ever!

  [They high five each other] 

  Barney Stinson : [Outside the door]  Worst night ever!

  [Robin mimes shooting herself in the head] 

• Marshall Eriksen : If I recall, they didn't dump us until you brought up that Vermont trip. It was way too early. First, a boat ride around the city, then a trip to Vermont. It's a rookie mistake, and you're better than that.

  Lily Aldrin : Oh, what about you forgetting to check the egg timer for charades? I gave you one thing to do, Marshall. One thing.

  Marshall Eriksen : [Offended]  One thing?

  [Lily nods] 

  Marshall Eriksen : One thing? Wow. Really? So, I guess that gouda Just walked itself right through the door... Sliced itself up, and arranged itself in a perfect semi-circle around not three, not four... But *five* different kinds of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers?

  Lily Aldrin : You're a sturdy, cheese-bearing cracker!

• Lily Aldrin : Game time. Let's review the flow of the room. Barney and Robin enter here. Stop here for margaritas. That's a great conversation starter. We can tell them about our trip to Cabo.

  Marshall Eriksen : Great, 'cause I got that story about Sammy Hagar Anthe Belgian waffle locked and loaded.

  Lily Aldrin : Then we'll move on to the hot apps station. And, depending on how things are going, Some lively pre-dinner charades.

  Marshall Eriksen : Right, but, uh, we'll play that one by...

  [Points to his ears] 

  Lily Aldrin : Sounds like?

  Marshall Eriksen : Okay, you can be Robin's partner.