- Jake Harper: Dad, I got my learner's permit but Mom won't let me drive her car.
- Judith Melnick: Just because they give 15-year-olds learner's permits doesn't mean they're ready to drive.
- Jake Harper: Please. I've been driving for years: Grand Theft Auto I, Grand Theft Auto II - and I never ran over anybody but pimps and crack whores.
- Alan Harper: Jake!
- Jake Harper: Sorry, crack prostitutes.