- Private: You're a dirty, dirty liar! And your pants are on fire!
- Rico: Whoa!
- Private: And - and you go jump up and touch a telephone wire! That's what a dirty liar you are!
- Skipper: Stand down, Private. We'll take it from here.
- Archie: Thanks. Some of those things he said were really hurtful.
- Skipper: Mister, you're just entering a world of hurt! Kowalski, hurt options.
- Kowalski: The Vulcan towel snap?
- Skipper: Possibly. Go on.
- Kowalski: The Spanish wet willie?
- Skipper: Intriguing.
- Kowalski: The Croatian purple nurple?
- Skipper: Bingo! Gentlemen, we have a winner. Rico, do the honors.
- King Julien: They have less than me? And I am barely scraping by. Maurice, give to the penguin all of Mort's food. And Mort too.
- Mort: I'm ever so lightly used.
- Skipper: Ah, closing time. Are there two sweeter words known to man or beast?
- Private: Puppy love?
- Rico: Ka... boom?
- Kowalski: Plutonium-fueled-DNA-mutating-abomination-monster maker.
- Rico: Huh?
- Kowalski: The first word's hypenated.
- Skipper: Yeah, yeah, all good. But the words I was thinking of were...
- Little Girl: My dolly!
- Private: [snickering] Skipper?
- Skipper: That wasn't me! That was...
- Little Girl: I lost my dolly!
- Skipper: Hot-molded plastic! Dolly down! Rescue operation is a go, go, go!
- King Julien: Maurice, I am ready to shake my maker of money. Hit it!
- Mort: There's nothing to hit.
- King Julien: My boomybox! Where is it?
- Archie: [French accent] Oh, Skipper, mon ami! What a pleasant surprise...
- Skipper: Don't mon ami me! You took advantage of our good nature!
- Kowalski: Not to mention all the citizens of the zoo.
- Archie: [Drops accent] Look, it's not what you think...
- Private: Even your charming French accent... was a lie! How could you?
- Archie: Yeah, about that. Well, you see... Look out! Leopard seal!
- Skipper: Hit the dirt!
- [the penguins duck, as Archie runs away]
- Skipper: Blast! He duped us.
- Kowalski: And we fell for it like a couple of first-year hatchlings.