Community (TV Series)
Introduction to Film (2009)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Abed : Jeff, I think you should play the role of my father.
Jeff Winger : I don't wanna be your father.
Abed : That's perfect. You already know your lines.
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Jeff Winger : Hey! Troy sneezes like a girl!
Troy : How about I pound you like a boy- that didn't come out right.
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Shirley : Isn't Abed's dad like a hardcore Muslim? They're not as forgiving as Christians. He'll cut your head off with a salami sword.
Annie Edison : Shirley! That is the most racist thing I've ever heard.
Jeff Winger : Pierce will top that in one minute.
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Troy : [to Shirley] You're not my mother.
Pierce Hawthorne : She's not?
Jeff Winger : [Stops watch] 29 seconds.
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Jeff Winger : You guys, I found it. The ultimate blow-off class. Professor Whitman, he thinks he's in Dead Poets Society. There's no tests, there's no work, it's just day seizing.
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Jeff Winger : This is no way to teach accounting!
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Jeff Winger : I have to plan in advance how to prove that I live in the moment. I mean, I'd rather take an actual class, but now it's too late to drop or add.
Britta : It is not fair how hard it is for you to cheat here.
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Britta : For someone who doesn't like getting involved, well, I owe you.
Jeff Winger : You owe me. That cannot be comfortable for you.
Britta : Hey, um, you should kiss me right now.
[Jeff kisses Britta]
Professor Whitman : Day seized!
Britta : We're even.
[walks away]
Professor Whitman : [laughs] "A" plus, winger. I know a life-changing kiss when I see one. Wowee! ha ha!
[laughing]
Jeff Winger : [dejectedly to a now absent Britta] Yeah. Fooled you.
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Jeff Winger : Wow, I can't believe I missed out on getting involved in this.
Gobi Nadir : You go host american idol.
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Professor Whitman : Had I not already cried at the sunrise this morning, I would be weeping right now.
Jeff Winger : What does that mean?
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Jeff Winger : What does that mean?
Professor Whitman : What do you mean, Jeff? What does your life mean? How long does it take you in the morning to--to make it look like you have bed head? How many sweat pants, sport jacket combos did you try before you found the one that said "i don't care"? Seize the day, Jeff, for real. Go running naked in a hailstorm, kiss a girl in the middle of the day, fly a kite, but do it for yourself. Or you won't just fail my class, you'll fail life.
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Britta : And, you know, he needs a little spending money.
Jeff Winger : Um, all money is spending money.
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Jeff Winger : [speaking to Troy] What'd I tell you?
[Troy offers fist bump]
Jeff Winger : Okay, but, uh, never again.
[Jeff bumps fist]
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Professor Whitman : Death... so-called... is a thing that makes men weep. And yet a third of life is spent in sleep. Open your textbooks to page 37. Now... close them and throw them away. Throw it away!
[laughs and tosses textbook]
Professor Whitman : Throw it away!
[students toss their textbooks]
Professor Whitman : For those of you who are new, the motto of this class: carpe diem. "seize the day!" No tests! no papers. You want an "A"? Live in... the moment.
Jeff Winger : Jackpot.
Professor Whitman : Take off your shoes. Quick. Take off your shoes. Everyone, take your shoes off. Throw them away. Throw them across the room over there.
[students remove and toss shoes]
Professor Whitman : Today, we learn to walk! Get up and walk out the door! This day could be your last! You could die in your sleep. You could get hit by a bus. You, that mole is raised and dark. It's not a good combo. You are new.
Jeff Winger : Yes, I'm new. But I'll be old too soon. Carpe diem, sir. Carpe diem!
Professor Whitman : [laughs] I like it!
