- Mercedes Jones: You are not gonna slushie on my man Kurt.
- Rachel Berry: Why wouldn't he? He's made his choice. He doesn't care about us losers anymore.
- Finn Hudson: No, that's not true! It's just if I don't do it, the guys on the team are gonna kick the crap out of me!
- Kurt Hummel: Well we can't have that, can we?
- [grabs the slushie from Finn]
- Finn Hudson: What are you doing?
- Kurt Hummel: It's called taking one for the team.
- [Splashes himself in the face with the slushie, and pauses]
- Kurt Hummel: Now get out of here. And take some time to think whether or not any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you.
- Kurt Hummel: [after he Slushies himself] Someone get me to a day spa, stat!
- [the Glee girls rush him into the ladies' room]
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: [Rachel flinches when he approaches with a slushie in hand] I picked it up for you when I was buying dip. It's grape. I know that's your favorite, because the last time I tossed a grape one in your face, you licked your lips before you cleaned yourself off.
- Sue Sylvester: Schuester! I'll need to see that set list for Sectionals after all. I want it on my desk warm from the laminator at 5:00 P.M., and if it is one minute late, I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. And then, on some dark, cold night I will steal away into your home and punch you in the face.
- Sue Sylvester: I hear people say, "That's not how I define marriage". Well, to them I say, "Love knows no bounds." Why can't people marry dogs? I'm certainly not advocating intimacy with your pets. I, for one, think intimacy is no place in marriage. Walked in on my parents once, and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. So, WOOF! on Prop 15, Ohio.
- Will Schuester: You okay, Quinn?
- Quinn Fabray: Do I look okay? I'm devastated. Now that I'm off the Cheerios, I'll start every day with a slushie facial.
- Will Schuester: That's okay if that happens, Quinn. Because there are eleven of your friends right here who are going to be more than happy to help clean you off.
- Will Schuester: [taking a sip of his slushie] Mm. Brain freeze.
- [the Glee kids laugh]
- Will Schuester: I can't imagine getting hit in the kisser with one of these.
- Artie Abrams: You've never been hit by a slushie before, Mr. Schue?
- Will Schuester: [they all advance on him] Um... all right, guys. We're a team. Bring it on. Give me your best shot.
- Rachel Berry: One. Two. Three.
- [he grimaces, and they all throw their slushies on him]
- Will Schuester: All right. From the top.
- Finn Hudson: Hey, coach, can I talk to you about something?
- Ken Tanaka: You got an itch down there or something?
- Finn Hudson: What? No.
- Finn Hudson: I'm not coming back.
- Will Schuester: These are the moments, Finn. They're the crossroads. The ones you look back on when you get old and think "what if...?".
- Finn Hudson: I don't buy that. I don't think any one decision makes your life, unless you accidentally invent some kind of zombie virus or something.
- Will Schuester: No? You're right. Life's a series of choices, a big combination of moments. Little ones that add up to big ones that create who you are. You're letting other people make those choices for you, Finn. You're letting them decide who you're going to be; people you're not even going to know in three years, people whose names you're gonna forget when you run into them at the hardware store.
- Finn Hudson: You don't understand the kind of pressure I'm under.
- Will Schuester: Yes, I do. Because of all the students I've ever had, you remind me the most of me. Come back to Glee, Finn. It's where you belong.
- Rachel Berry: [after Puck gets slushied] You're actually a lot luckier than me and Quinn. Your head is shaved.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: I'm really sorry I ever did this to you.
- Rachel Berry: It's okay.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: No, it isn't. No one deserves this feeling. You know what the worst part is? It's not the burning in your eyes or the way the slushie drips all the way into your underpants. It's the humiliation. I feel like I could burst into tears at any moment.
- Quinn Fabray: This is a disaster. Our reputation as McKinley High's "it" couple is in serious jeopardy if we don't find some way to be cool again, Finn.
- Kurt Hummel: [quietly to Mercedes] The slushie war has commenced.
- Mercedes Jones: And if Finn and Quinn got nailed, none of us are safe.
- Rachel Berry: Are you sure about this, Noah? I mean, choosing us over the team means you might get a slushie in your face every day.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: Bring it.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: [to Rachel] Are you questioning my badass-ness?
- [rolls back shirt sleeve]
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: Have you seen my guns?
- Sue Sylvester: I hear people say "that's not how I define marriage." Well to them I say "love knows no bounds." Why can't people marry dogs? I'm certainly not advocating intimacy with your pets, I for one think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling. So woof, I'm pro-15-Ohio. And that's how Sue... C's it.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: When I woke up I knew it was more than a dream, it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew and the good Lord wanted me to get into her pants.
- [Karofsky throws a slushie in Finn's face. Finn pushes Karofsky against a locker]
- Finn Hudson: What the hell, Karofsky?
- Dave Karofsky: [Karofsky pushes Finn back] Oh, I've wanted to do that ever since fifth grade when you made fun of me for getting pubes. Now that you've joined Lullaby Lees and insperminated the queen of the Chastity Ball, and dropped below us hockey dudes on the food chain? It's open season!
- Quinn Fabray: Screw you, Karofsky! You and your neanderthal puckheads are nothing!
- Finn Hudson: You're gonna pay for this, dude!
- Dave Karofsky: No I'm not. You two don't have the juice anymore. Welcome to the new world order.
- Sue Sylvester: Q, take off those sunglasses. I want to look in your eyes when I give you this piece of business.
- [Quinn takes off her shades]
- Sue Sylvester: You're off the Cheerios. I can't have a pregnant girl on my squad. You're a disgrace.
- Finn Hudson: [bumping into the football team with Quinn] Oh, hey, guys.
- Azimio: You thirsty?
- Finn Hudson: Sure. Thanks.
- [they all throw their slushies on him and Quinn]
- Finn Hudson: You can't do this!
- Azimio: Oh, you think that's bad? Just imagine what's gonna happen if you don't show up to practice on Thursday and quit that little Glee Club for good. Bros before hi-hos, dude. Don't forget that.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: [voiceover, as he plays guitar while Rachel sings "What a Girl Wants"] I know this looks weird, but wait until you see what happens next.
- [in real time]
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: My ears are starting to hurt. Could we take a break?
- Rachel Berry: Okay.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: You want to make out?
- Rachel Berry: Sure.
- Will Schuester: Okay, guys, we're a little behind for sectionals, thanks to our Sue Sylvester detour, but you guys seem to really enjoy doing mash-ups, right? And I'm gonna keep you guys fired up. Plus, there's an important lesson to be learned with mash-ups. Sometimes things are so different, they don't feel like they go together. But the big difference between them is what makes them great, like... chocolate and bacon.
- Finn Hudson: Or Glee Club and football.
- Will Schuester: Exactly. But you've proven that it is a great combination. So, here is my personal favorite song, and your homework for the week is to find an unexpected mash-up to go with it.
- Kurt Hummel: "Bust a Move"?
- Mercedes Jones: Yeah, this song is old-school.
- Will Schuester: All right, um... Artie?
- Artie Abrams: Yeah?
- Will Schuester: Try to follow along on the bass. Finn, take us through it.
- Finn Hudson: Uh, I'm sorry, Mr. Schuester. I got corn syrup in my eye.
- Will Schuester: Okay. Uh, Puck, how about it?
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: I don't really groove on Young MC.
- Rachel Berry: I am shocked at the lack of leading man ambition in this room right now.
- Will Schuester: It's okay, Rachel. I guess I'm gonna have to show these guys how it's done.
- Quinn Fabray: When my mom applied to college, she put being popular as her main extracurricular activity.
- Finn Hudson: All right, let's try, uh, reverse tear on two.
- Azimio: Let's not.
- Finn Hudson: Hey, Azimio, I'm the quarterback. I call the plays.
- Azimio: Yeah, well, some of the guys was talking, and we're starting to question your leadership abilities.
- Lipoff: Yeah, like maybe you're having trouble making good choices; as in, for instance, choosing to join Homo Explosion.
- Finn Hudson: Do I need to remind you that Glee Club helped us win our first game of the season?
- Azimio: What have you done for me lately?
- Lipoff: Yeah. We're taking a bunch of heat because you like kissing dudes all of a sudden. You're not being a team player, man.
- Finn Hudson: Couldn't believe you was man enough to knock up Quinn Fabray. You sure a real man didn't sneak in there and do it for you?