Vampiro (2009) Poster

(2009)

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The worst vampire movie ever
alexjowski6 November 2011
Warning: Spoilers
I've never seen a vampire movie this bad. The dialog is redundant. The dialog is redundant. The dialog is redundant. The dialog is redundant. The entire first half of the movie is just Damien Chapa narrating the same few sentences over and over again.

The acting is terrible - every spoken line is just devoid of any emotion or just pointlessly has too much emotion. All the lines are in Spanglish- sometimes in English or sometimes in Spanish without subtitles. When they are speaking English its over-accented and uses such poor grammar and syntax. There's lines like: "Don't me leave in the middle of the nowhere." or "You just love the naked." My question is, if the filmmakers didn't understand English well enough, why didn't they just make the movie in Spanish? When characters are speaking this badly broken form of English it distracts from the plot (what little there is) far too much. Combine this with the fact that when the characters are speaking as vampires - the fangs in their mouth ruin the words because they're talking with their mouth full. There was a moment where I didn't know if a character was saying "I love white girls" or "I love hot wings" - its that bad.

The film shows Mexican Americans in the worst possible light - portraying them all as cruel rapists and hatemongers which is just sad because this movie was made by Mexican Americans. There are no redeemable characters in this movie. What could have been the "Stand and Deliver" of vampire movies ends up looking like some racist's diatribe about Hispanics. Naming a main character Sexican or calling the only "white girl" in the movie Blanca is just offensive.

As far as any "vampire mythos" goes - the movie just makes it up as it goes along and then rewrites it. Vampires are only affected by sunlight sometimes - whenever its convenient for the story. It's established at one point that Vampires are afraid of sharks - that sharks can kill vampires but we never see any sharks. Why establish the most ridiculously inconceivable vampire lore ever - that they can be killed by sharks - and not follow through on it? Avoid this movie. It is painful.
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6/10
A sort of latino Blade
joeshoe8918 August 2010
Warning: Spoilers
An evil lusty vampire possibly forces himself on a Mexican woman and she has a boy who is half vampire named Casanova. When he looks about ten years old mom kills herself with a large gun. Casanova is suddenly a man and he discovers Alma who has leprosy(!?)and offers her mom and her a chance to live...as a vampire. Alma who looks about 13 years old is his companion and amor (!?). She supplies him with blood from a connection at a blood bank. Casanova says shes a hundred year old 13 year old girl. His dad has three vampires including one named Tex going after Casanova to kill him. Casanova uses a gun with wooden bullets that seems to fire over 20 rounds in order to kill vampires. When two nasty cops give Blanca and the lesbian who loves her a ride in order to do you know what to them out comes Casanova firing his gun many many times to kill the cops. He takes off with Blanca and Alma's not too happy he's spending time with her. He says they have a connection. Casanova sort of lives on a boat where the big battle takes place and Blanca gets pulled into the sea by I think her lesbian lover from before. Alma saves Casanova and they hold each other and sail away. Okay there's little to tell us just what is going on here but young people could care less why it's going on as long as there's fights and gun battles. I really don't like the strong violence against women here but again it seems to fit the style of the movie. The acting is very good especially young Alma who steals the scenes she's in. Nowhere near as gory as Blade it has enough fighting gunfire and crossbows to keep most happy. I've seen vampire movies a lot worse than this one.
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