- Dennis Pennis: I look at your suit and I think... maybe a defective aeroplane. Should never have left the hanger.
- [Armani's assistant translates this to him]
- Giorgio Armani: Oh, that's fantastic. Thank you very much.
- [he shakes Dennis' hand]
- Dennis Pennis: [holding a book] Could you just write a few words for me, please? Just write a few words for me, please?
- Kevin Costner: [walking on] No. You were a dick. You were a dick to me.
- Dennis Pennis: I love you! You've invented a new genre, you know, I've seen a lot of B-movies, but you've made a C-movie, in both senses of the word!
- Kevin Costner: That's why you're a low budget guy - your hair, your attitude and your intelligence.
- Dennis Pennis: I'm proud of it, you know!
- [cuts to Dennis presenting a transitional clip]
- Dennis Pennis: Being called a low budget guy by Kevin Costner is actually quite a compliment. In his world that's about 150 billion dollars.
- Dennis Pennis: Any plans to make any tampon commercials? Because you love doing all this period stuff. And you're very good at it.
- Emma Thompson: I know, but you know, to make a tampon commercial you have to know how to, like, windsurf, don't you? You have to know how to windsurf and you have to know how to rollerskate. I don't know how to do either of those things, so I don't think I'm suitable.
- Dennis Pennis: OK, fair enough. Now, I don't want to talk about you and Ken...
- Emma Thompson: Nor do I.
- Dennis Pennis: But I'm going to.
- Emma Thompson: OK, bye!
- [she walks away from him]
- Dennis Pennis: Did you guys just fall out of luvvie?
- [at a press conference for 'Braveheart']
- Dennis Pennis: In the movie you play a guy with long hair, a sort of neanderthal barbarian.
- Mel Gibson: Yeah.
- Dennis Pennis: Being an Australian, you worry that might get you typecast?
- [some people laugh]
- Dennis Pennis: I gotta thank you though, because I haven't had sex in a long time, I went to see the movie and slept with the entire audience! So, thanks for everything, man!
- Mel Gibson: Great. Thank you.
- [in a Groucho Marx voice]
- Mel Gibson: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
- Dennis Pennis: [to Joan Collins] You look like a million lire!
- [cut to him presenting a transitional clip in St. Mark's Square, Venice]
- Dennis Pennis: Which is about 25 quid. About the price of a cup of coffee around this part of the world.
- Dennis Pennis: [to Tom Hanks] I love Philadelphia. Changed my life, man. Smooth, creamy... spreads on your crackers like nobody's business.
- Dennis Pennis: [pointing a Magnum ice cream at Clint Eastwood] I got a 65p Magnum here, man, it's the most powerful ice cream in the world. Clean a man's head blown off. You feel licky, punk? Come on, make my dairy!
- Dennis Pennis: How come you've persevered for so many years with that moustache?
- Tom Selleck: Without?
- Dennis Pennis: With.
- Tom Selleck: I don't persevere one way or the other, I'm up for hire, if you want to put me in a movie tomorrow, I'll shave it off for you.
- Dennis Pennis: I might well do that. I was gonna say, when you're kissing somebody, not only do you kiss them but you brush their teeth at the same time.
- Tom Selleck: Oh my God. I don't know, I've ever tried.
- Dennis Pennis: And also in the advent of having oral sex, do you sort of...
- Tom Selleck: In the...?
- Dennis Pennis: Well, when you're participating in oral sex, do you suffer from the velcro effect?
- Tom Selleck: I don't know, that's private.
- Dennis Pennis: Yeah, that's a good answer.
- [At the premiere of the James Bond film 'Goldeneye']
- Dennis Pennis: I understand you got mugged earlier.
- Desmond Llewelyn: Oh, yes.
- Dennis Pennis: I heard somebody got arrested for jumping the Q!
- Dennis Pennis: [to Pierce Brosnan] I gotta tell ya, I saw Goldeneye, I was glued to my seat. Otherwise I would have left!
- [Brosnan and his girlfriend Keely Shaye Smith laugh]
- Dennis Pennis: You've always carried yourself like a businessman. I just wondered if, your last fight, you took the position of official receiver?
- Chris Eubank: I suppose that's fair to say, yes.
- Dennis Pennis: Sir Andrew, quick question from the BBC. Is it correct that recently you've been writing sheets and sheets of music and then erasing them and rubbing them out?
- Andrew Lloyd Webber: [bemused] No.
- Dennis Pennis: Oh, because, if you don't mind me saying, I heard you were decomposing these days.
- [Lloyd Webber just stares blankly]
- Dennis Pennis: [to Mr. Blobby] You look very depressed, you know. You look very depressed. I got a feeling that deep inside there's a very sad man trying to get out.