Drive My Car (2021)

Hidetoshi Nishijima: Yûsuke Kafuku

Photos 

13 more photos

Quotes 

• Kôshi Takatsuki : Mr. Kafuku. I'm empty. There's nothing inside me. About the text questioning me... . I think I felt with Oto's screenplays. I came here because I want to feel it again. So... that bit about Oto bringing us together is true after all. I finally understand.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Oto and I...

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Yes...

  Yûsuke Kafuku : We had a daughter. She died from pneumonia when she was four. She'd be 23 if she were alive. Our daughter's death marked the end of our happy times. Oto quit acting. I quit working in TV and returned to theater. Oto was letargic for years. But then she suddenly began writing stories one day. No, she began telling them. Her first story... was born after having sex with me. She suddenly started narrating it after having sex. But the next morning, her memory was foggy. I remembered it all, so I told her. She wrote a script based on it and sent it to a contest. It won an award and launched her career as a screenwriter. "That" would strike her at times after sex. She'd tell it to me and make me remember it. The next morning, I'd tell her. She'd take notes. Eventually that became our custom. Sex and her stories were strongly connected. Even if it didn't seem like it. She'd grasp a thread of a story from the edge of orgasm and spin it. That's how she used to write. Not all the time. But whenever her career hit a wall, "that" would strike. Those stories became a bond that helped us overcome our child's death. I think we were a compatible couple. We needed each other to get through life. Everyday living and our sex life were very fulfilling. At least they were for me. But... Oto saw other men.

  [on Misake] 

  Yûsuke Kafuku : She's fine, don't worry. Oto slept with other men. Not just one. Probably with the actors who were cast in the dramas she wrote. Each relationship ended with the drama, and another would begin another drama started.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Do you have evidence?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : I've witnessed them before. She sometimes brought them into our home. Even so, I've never doubted her love for me. There was no doubt. Oto betrayed me so naturally while she loved me. We were definitely deeply bonded more so than anyone. Still, she contained within her a spot that I couldn't look into, where something had swirled.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Didn't you ever ask her about any of this?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : What I feared most was losing her. If she found out I knew, we wouldn't have been able to mantain our balance.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Isn't it possible that she wanted you to hear her out?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Did Otto tell you something?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : May I tell you a story she told me?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Yes.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : It's a very mysterious tale. A high school girl sneakes into the home of a boy she likes.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : I've heard that one, too. The girl who was formerly a lamprey.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Right. She sneaks in multiple times and leaves a token of herself each time.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : One day, she starts masturbating on Yamaga's bed. Someone comes home, but the story ends without telling who it was.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : No. It doesn't end there.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : You know what happens next?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Yes.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Who was it, then? Who came up the stairs?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Another intruder.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Another one?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Yes. It wasn't Yamaga, or his father, or his mother. Just a burglar. The burglar finds her half naked in the room and attempts to rape her. She takes a pen lying around and stabs the man in the left eye. She struggles desperately, and stabs the pen in his temple, in his neck, over and over. She notices the man has gone limp. She has killed the burglar. She washes the blood off in the shower and goes home. The token she left on Yamaga's room that day was the burglar's corpse. The next morning, she goes to school prepared to confess everything to Yamaga and face his judgment. But Yamaga looks the same as usual at school that day. She sees him play soccer after school seemingly carefree as always. Things are the same the next day. Nothing has changed. What became of that body in Yamaga's house? Did she just imagined what happened? She goes to Yamaga's house but nothing seems out of the ordinary. Except for one thing... A surveillance camera has been set up by the front door. To not appear guilty, she walks past his house without stopping. Something terrible had happened and she was to blame, but the world seemed serene as if nothing had changed. However, the world had definitely changed to something sinister. She turns back. "I must take responsability for what I've done. I can't pretend it didn't happen. Because it definitely happened. I definitely killed that man." She searches under the planter but the key is no longer there. She stares at the surveillance camera. Because it's the only change she has elicited in this world. She looks into the lens repeats her words over and over. Clearly, so that she's understood. "I killed him! I killed him! I killed him!" This is as far as I know. Maybe the tale ends there, or maybe it continues. The story leaves a bad taste, but even so, when I heard it from her, I felt that Oto had handed me something important. Mr. Kafuku. As far as I know, Oto was a really lovely woman. Of course, what I know must be a tiny fraction of what you know about her. But I still think so with certainty. You lived with such a lovely person for over 20 years, and you should be grateful about that. That's my opinion. But even if you think you know someone well, even if you love that person deeply, you can't completely look into that person's heart. You'll just feel hurt. But if you put in enough effort, you should be able to look into your own heart pretty well. So in the end, what we should be doing is to be true to our hearts and come to terms with it in a capable way. If you really want to look at someone, then your only option is to look at yourself squarely and deeply. That's what I think.

• Yûsuke Kafuku : We must keep on living.

• Yûsuke Kafuku : Those who survive keep thinking about the dead. In one way or another, that will continue. You and I must keep living like that. We must keep on living. It'll be OK. I'm sure we'll be OK.

• Yûsuke Kafuku : The day Oto died she asked before I left if we could talk when I got home. Her tone was gentle but determined. I had no plans that day, but kept on driving. I couldn't go home. I thought that once I went home, we would never be the same again. I found her collapsed when I returned late at night. I called an ambulance but she never regained conciousness. What if I'd gone home a bit earlier? I think so every day.

  Misaki Watari : I killed my mother. When the landslide crushed our home, I was inside too. I was able to crawl out from the fallen house. After escaping, I gazed at the half-collapsed house for a while. Then some more debris came falling and completely destroyed it. My mother was found dead under the debris. I knew she was still in the house. I don't know why I didn't call for help, or why I didn't save her. I hated her, but that wasn't the only thing I felt about her. This scar on my cheek is from that accident. I was told surgery could make it less conspicuous, but I don't feel like erasing it.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : If I were your father, I'd hold you round the shoulders and say, "It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong". But I can't say that. You killed your mother, and I killed my wife.

• Misaki Watari : Mr. Kafuku. About Oto... It would be hard for you to accept her, everything about her, as genuine? Maybe there was nothing mysterious about her. Would it be hard to think that she was simply like that? That she loved you dearly and that she sought other men constantly don't seem to contradict each other or sound deceptive to me. Is that strange? I'm sorry.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : I... should have been hurt properly. I let something genuine slip by. I was so deeply hurt. To the point of distraction. But because of that I pretended not to notice it. I didn't listen to myself. So I lost Oto. Forever. Now I see. I want to see Oto. If I do, I want to yell at her. Berate her. For lying to me all the time. I want to apologize. For not listening. For not being strong. I want her back. I want her to live. I want to talk to her just once more. I want to see her. But it's too late. There's no turning back. There's nothing I can do.

• Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : One day, she remembers her previous existence.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : You mean that girl who sneaks in?

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : She used to be a lamprey in her previous life.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : A lamprey?

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : She didn't leech off the fish that passed overhead like other lampreys do. She fastened her suction cup-like mouth to a rock on the riverbed and did nothing but sway there. Until she wasted away and really became like riverweed, she clung to the rock. She doesn't remember how she died. Did she starve to death? Was she eaten by other fish? All she remembers is swaying at the bottom of the river. In Yamaga's room, she suddenly understands. What she's doing here is the same. She can't tear herself away from his room, just like how she clung to a rock. Come to think of it, the silence in this room is very similar to underwater. Time stands still. Past and present fade away. And she... becomes a lamprey again. She begins to masturbate on Yamaga's bed. She strips off all her clothes one layer at a time.

  [she removes her own clothes while on top of her husband] 

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : She'd forbidden herself from doing it, but now she can't stop. Tears fall, wetting the pillow. She thinks that those tears are her token for today. Just then, someone comes home. A door opens downstairs. She notices then that it's starting to get dark outside the window. Is it Yamaga? Or his father? His mother? She hears that person coming up the stairs. It's over. But now, she can stop at last. At last, it'll all end. She can finally escape the karmic fate from her prior life. She'll become a new person. The door opens.

• Misaki Watari : My mother had a separate personality named Sachi.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Sachi?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Yes. She first appeared when I was 14. She said she was 8 years old but she never aged in 4 years. Sachi ofter appear my mother beat me up terribly. It was her like her awareness didn't match the body of an adult, so she couldn't move well. She'd try to walk but fall over, and would end up just sitting still. Sachi liked puzzled rings. We did crosswords together. Sachi cried a lot for no reason. Whenever she did, I'd hold her and rub her back over and over. I liked those times. The last beautiful thing in my mother was condensed in Sachi. Sachi was my only friend. I don't know if my mother was mentally ill, or if she was acting to keep me close to her. But even if she were acting, it was from the bottom of her heart. Becoming Sachi was my mother's way of surviving a harsh reality, I think. When that landslide occured, I knew that my mother's death it meant that Sachi would die, too. Even so... I didn't move.

• Kôshi Takatsuki : I actually sometimes do a search on your name online. That's how I found this audition, and that day was the deadline. Isn't that amazing?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Why are you interested in me?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : I really liked acting out Oto's screenplays. Saying her lines made me happy.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : My theater projects and Oto's screenplays are different things.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Yes. But when I saw your play that time, I felt that what you two were doing were the same, albeit in different ways.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : How so?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Tough question. I get the feeling that you both value the finer details that people won't even notice. I actually like things like that. But I wouldn't have know if I hadn't acted out Oto's scripts. When I saw the casting call, I knew this was my only chance. I'm not sure if you know, but I'm working freelance now.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : I know. Though in my case I didn't have to look you up.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Is that so. That's embarassing. How stupid.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : You were a star.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : No, I was framed.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Do you do things like that often?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Things like what?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : With women you barely know.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Don't you?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : No.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Lots of women must approach you, too.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : All you have to do is say no.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : I don't do it with just anybody, either. If you click and want to get to know her better... Not ever?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Sex isn't the only way to get to know someone.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : But some things you can't know unless you do it.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Like what?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Like...

  [laughs] 

  Yûsuke Kafuku : What's the matter?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Just that... Why am I talking to you about this? Oto must have been happy with a husband like you.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : I wonder.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : If you don't mind, could you tell me something about her?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Something about her?

  Kôshi Takatsuki : How you two met, how she wrote her screenplays, everyday conversations. Anything.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Here's what you're thinking: "He and I share the same pain, because we loved the same woman."

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Oh please. Mine was just an unrequited longing.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : You were in love with her.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : I don't deny it. She was lovely. Very much so.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Yeah.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : So I'm jealous of you, Mr. Kafuku. Forgive me.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : You're jealous of me?

• Yûsuke Kafuku : Then she leaves an unused tampon in his room.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : A tampon?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : That's what you said.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : That's so weird.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : More so than usual. Can this adapted for TV?

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : Don't worry. The producer said it's for an innovative late-night slot.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : If you say so. So she takes out an unused tampon from her school bag and puts it in a drawer in his desk. What if his overprotective mom finds it? She feels a rush of excitment at the thought.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : She's kinky.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : The tampon is a token indicating she was really there.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : A token.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : She continues sneaking in from time to time after that. She's aware of the risks. She's the type of who is trusted by her parents and teachers, so a lot is at stake.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : Nevertheless, she can't stop.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : She can't stop. She sniffs around in his room, longing for his slightest scent. She always takes a token from his room when she leaves. A pencil or something that he won't notice is gone. And in exchange, she leaves a toke of herself. At her most daring moment, she took off her underwear and put it deep in his chest of drawers. She feels that they are gradually mingling by exchanging such tokens. And that she is giving him the strength to escape his mother's control. That's it for today.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : I see. Want to know the rest?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Yeah, I do.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : Shall I wait, or shall I write it? Which?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : You can still wait.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : Yeah. I want to know the rest, too.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : You really don't know?

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : I never do, do I?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Well, I thought maybe this time it was about your first love.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : Of course it's not.

• [first lines] 

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : From time to time, she starts sneaking into Yamaga's house.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Yamaga?

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : The name of her first love. He's a high school classmate. He's not aware of her love for him. She doesn't want him to know, so that's OK with her. But she wants to know more about him. She wants to know everything about him without letting him know about her.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : So she sneaks in.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : Right. While he's attending classes, she feigns illness and leaves early. Yamaga's an only child and his dad's an office worker. His mom's a school teacher. So the girl knows there's nobody at home during the day.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : How does she sneak in? She's just an ordinary teenager.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : She takes a guess and searches under a potted plant by the front door. There's a key.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : [laughs]  What a careless family.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : She uses it to let herself into the house. She goes upstairs and opens a door. The number on the soccer uniform on a hanger tells her it's his room. The room is tidy for a 17-year-old boy, and she senses that he has controlling parent, his mom in particular. She breathes in. She listens carefully. She hears silence. An amplified silence, like the sound through a hearing aid, fills the room. She lies down on Yamaga's bed. She holds back the urge to masturbate.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Why? The limits of a television drama?

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : No. She has her own set of rules. Things she'll allow or won't allow herself to do.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : She can sneak into his house, but not masturbate there.

  Oto Kafuku, Yûsuke's Wife : Right.

• Kôshi Takatsuki : About today... what happened? Between Janice and Yoon-A.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Only they know the answer to that. One thing I can say is that this text has the power to make that happen.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Mr. Kafuku, why aren't you playing Vanya yourself?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Chekhov is terrifying. When you say his lines, it drags out the real you. Don't you feel it? I can't bear that anymore. Which means I can no longer yield myself up to this role.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : But then, why me? I feel out of place in this production. I'm not suited for this role. I'm sure the audience will feel the same way. When I auditioned, I was desperate and in shambles. I didn't know what I was doing. So why did you choose me?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : Oto brought us together.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Please don't be glib. I'm serious. I came here to change myself.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : You can't control yourself very well.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Right.

  Yûsuke Kafuku : From a social standpoint, that's not good. But it's not necesarily a drawback for an actor. During your audition and our sessions, you weren't bad. You can yield yourself to your cast mate. Do the same to the text. Yield yourself and respond to the text.

  Kôshi Takatsuki : Respond to it?

  Yûsuke Kafuku : The text is questioning you. If you listen to it and respond, the same will happen to you.