Comedy Central Roasts (TV Series)

Comedy Central Roast of Larry the Cable Guy (2009)

Nick Di Paolo: Self

Quotes 

• Nick DiPaolo : Jeff Foxworthy. That moustache makes you look like a pedophile. Your show should be renamed "Are You *Tighter* Than a Fifth Grader?".

  [laughter] 

• Nick DiPaolo : What can you say about a guy who looks like Brett Favre, sounds like Gomer Pyle and dresses like Ellen DeGeneres?

• Nick DiPaolo : Maureen McCormack. Do you know how many times I masturbated to you during the closing credits of the Brady Bunch? To this day, I can't play tic-tac-toe without getting a hard-on. "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!" That wasn't Jan, that was me in the shower at age 12 with a hand full of Prell.

• Nick DiPaolo : I saw Warren on Dancing with the Stars. It was like watching a leather couch during an earthquake.

• Nick DiPaolo : I saw Larry backstage, he had a long face and was sniffing his fingers. I asked him what was the matter and he said, "I miss my family."

• Nick DiPaolo : I heard Warren's agent on the phone backstage negotiating his contract for the roast. I actually heard his agent say this, "No, no no, I said 45 acres and three mules!"

• Nick DiPaolo : Of course, we all know Larry's real name is Dan Whitney, but he had to change it because it had the word "Wit" in it!