- Krystal Kris: You know, I've never had a normal friend before.
- Carla: No one's ever called me normal before.
- Dieter Bravo: [walks into the common room] Pippa. Do you want to have sex with me?
- Pippa: I'm eating, blud!
- Dieter Bravo: Gunther?
- Gunther: [pauses playing the piano] I'm, I'm done eating, but I'm okay...
- Gavin: I'm not a magician.
- Paula the Studio Head: I know you're not a fucking magician, if you were a fucking magician you could pull a movie out of your ass. Oh my god, it's Minnie Driver! I love her.
- Carol Cobb: The biggest mistake that I have made on this movie is not being on drugs the whole time.
- Darren Eigen: Were they able to reattach her fingers?
- Gavin: They didn't find any of them.
- Dustin Mulray: All that's left is a thumb.
- Sean Knox: This is a blessing. Okay, Lauren is going to come back from this stronger. There are a million things you can do with a thumb. It's not like it's a pinkie.
- [first lines]
- Gavin: Gunther, Bola, thank you for joining us here in our bubble. As the Producer on this movie, here's what I expect from you. Actors are animals. You are animal handlers. Sometimes they want to play with you, sometimes they'll rip your balls off.
- Pippa: Don't listen to anything they say; they're liars. They literally lie for a living. That's their literal job.
- Gavin: Don't party with them. Don't tire them out. Don't fuck them. Always tell them they're fantastic in the movie.
- Pippa: They're very insecure people. They need constant praise.
- Bola: [summarizing] Make them feel good, don't tire them out, don't fuck them. Don't fuck them.