- [from trailer]
- Willard Deutschebog: [catchphrase] If I believed in reincarnation, I'd kill myself tonight.
- Ennis Hoftard: Yes, Mr. Deutschbog buys pornography! Yes, he's chosen some obscure titles like: "Nothing but Fuzz", "Wedding Jiggly", and "Giant Prawns"! But he's a homely little gripper and you have no right to judge him!
- Andrew LeGustambos: Yeah, right. If you were half the man that I am woman, I'd make you try!
- Helen Klench: Please! I have more man in my little pinky than you have in your whole woman!
- Andrew LeGustambos: Well, I have more woman-pinky in my man-whole than I've ever had man-pinky in my - wait, who's what, now?