Castle (TV Series)

Nanny McDead (2009)

Nathan Fillion: Richard Castle

Photos 

Quotes 

• Richard Castle : Three men huddled around a computer. That better not be porn, and if it is, I want in.

• Alexis Castle : How come we never had a nanny?

  Richard Castle : Well, your mother and I decided if someone was gonna screw you up, we wanted it to be me. Only you managed to turn out fine somehow anyway.

• Richard Castle : "Don't leave town"? Don't you need probable cause for something like that?

  Kate Beckett : Only he doesn't know that, does he?

  Richard Castle : You can lie like that? That is so cool!

  [begins scribbling in his notepad] 

• Richard Castle : Well, apparently, in an actual homicide, they don't know who did it until after the guy gets caught.

• Kate Beckett : Okay, Castle, but it's accompany and observe, not participate and annoy. Got it?

  Richard Castle : Participate and annoy is a lot more fun, but all right.

• Lanie Parish : But what I thought you might find really interesting is the fact that she had sex within the hours before her death.

  Kate Beckett : Sex?

  Richard Castle : I'll explain how that works later.

  Lanie Parish : Might have even been within a few minutes of the murder. The heat from the dryer makes it hard to pinpoint.

  Kate Beckett : So you're saying she was raped?

  Lanie Parish : Hard to determine. There were no vaginal lacerations or the presence of any semen.

  Kate Beckett : So what's the evidence of sex?

  Lanie Parish : Traces of spermicide.

  [Beckett looks confused] 

  Lanie Parish : The guy wore a condom.

  Richard Castle : Boy, it really has been a long time for you, hasn't it?

• Kate Beckett : Exactly how much longer do I have to expect you to be shadowing me on my cases like this?

  Richard Castle : Hard to say. When I'm writing a new character, there's no telling when inspiration might strike.

  Kate Beckett : I thought I was your inspiration.

  Richard Castle : Oh, you are, Detective, and in so many ways.

  Kate Beckett : Yeah, well, your inspiration might strike you sooner than you think.

• Kate Beckett : Mrs. Peterson? Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. I was wondering if I could ask you some questions about Sarah Manning.

  Claudia Peterson : Of course. Please, come in.

  Kate Beckett : Thank you.

  [following Mrs. Peterson inside] 

  Richard Castle : [standing behind]  Richard Castle. Just NY.

• Kate Beckett : You used to take your daughter to the park?

  Richard Castle : [scoffs]  Spring, summer, fall. We were here every day. Alexis' mom was doing community theater. She was on the road a lot, so I had custody. What?

  Kate Beckett : Nothing. I just never figured you for Mr. Mom.

  Richard Castle : Some of the best days of my life.

  Kate Beckett : It's actually kind of nice.

  Richard Castle : Yeah, tell me about it. Do you know how many lonely single mothers there are on a Manhattan playground? And there I was between marriages.

  Kate Beckett : Exactly how many times have you been married, Castle?

  Richard Castle : Twice.

  Kate Beckett : That's it?

  Richard Castle : Isn't that enough? How about you?

  Kate Beckett : Me? No, never been.

  Richard Castle : Really?

  Kate Beckett : Yeah.

  Richard Castle : You'd be good at it. You're both controlling and disapproving.

• Richard Castle : So, looks like I managed to make it through the case without getting injured, shot, or killed.

  Kate Beckett : Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow.

• [first lines] 

  Police attorney : Mr. Castle, be advised: if you get injured following Detective Beckett to research your next novel, you cannot sue the city. If you get shot, you cannot sue the city. If you get killed...

  Richard Castle : My lifeless remains cannot sue the city.

  Police attorney : Your heirs, Mr. Castle.

  Kate Beckett : Do I have to wait for him to sign, or can I shoot him now?

  Police attorney : Mr. Castle, these waivers...

  Kate Beckett : [quitely]  No?

  Police attorney : ...are serious...

  Kate Beckett : [quitely]  Okay.

  Police attorney : ...business. Perhaps you'd feel more comfortable by referring the matter to *your* attorney?

  Richard Castle : What, are you kidding? He'd never let me sign these! But fortunately, it's his job to get me out of trouble and not to prevent me from getting into it.

  Kate Beckett : [answering phone]  Beckett... Yeah. Where?... All right, I'm on my way.

  Richard Castle : What? Wait. What? Where are you going?

  Kate Beckett : I have work to do.

  Richard Castle : [smiling excitedly]  What? We have a case?

  Kate Beckett : No, I have a case. You have paperwork.

  [whispers as she leaves] 

  Kate Beckett : Ooh. Ow!

• Martha Rodgers : I did an NYPD Blue once, remember?

  Alexis Castle : You were the crazy homeless woman.

  Richard Castle : And some might say still are.

• Richard Castle : [shocked]  You suspected him, too?

  Kate Beckett : The husband? Duh.

  Richard Castle : You would really clean up at my poker game.

  Kate Beckett : Right. You, James Patterson, and the rest of the Times bestseller list? No, thank you, Castle. A little too rich for my blood.

  Richard Castle : We could always make it strip poker.

  Kate Beckett : Sorry, but I prefer mystery to horror.

• Alexis Castle : You know, it's okay to be surprised sometimes. That's the fun.

  Richard Castle : You surprise me. All the time.

• Richard Castle : People never think about that. When do cops use the bathroom?

• Neighbour : You're the police?

  Richard Castle : Uh, she is. I'm sorry. Do you live here alone?

  Neighbour : Yeah. Why you wanna know?

  Richard Castle : Uh, don't worry about it. You're not young enough.

  Neighbour : Young enough for what?

  Richard Castle : To have sex.

  Neighbour : Uh, what kind of cops did you say you were?

  Kate Beckett : He's not a cop. I'm a cop.

  Neighbour : And you're looking for someone to have sex with?

• Kate Beckett : Where are we on the boyfriend?

  Javier Esposito : His story checks out, video and a sign-in sheet.

  Kate Beckett : Great. So now all we have is a cheating husband with a possible alibi and no cell phone to run the perp's fingerprints.

  Kevin Ryan : I got something better.

  Kate Beckett : Please tell me it's that the mayor wants him out of here.

  Richard Castle : You ever notice how she gets a little grumpy when she doesn't have a suspect?

  Kevin Ryan : We got one now. Guess who wasn't where they say they were the day Sara Manning was killed?

  Kate Beckett : [Ryan offers a Post-It note, but pulls it back when Beckett snatches for it]  Who?

  Kevin Ryan : Come on, you gotta guess.

  Kate Beckett : [snatching at the Post-It again]  Ryan... Ryan. I'm not guessing.

  Kevin Ryan : [handing the Post-It over]  You're a killjoy, you know that?

  Richard Castle : Exactly what I've been telling her.

  Kate Beckett : [reading the note]  No way.

  Kevin Ryan : Pretty good, huh? Told you you should have guessed.

• Alexis Castle : [approaching Castle and Martha in Castle's office]  What are you guys watching?

  Richard Castle : I'm watching. She's butting in.

• Captain Roy Montgomery : Esposito and Ryan pulled security tape from an elevator in the rear entrance.

  Kevin Ryan : Front door has a 24-hour doorman.

  Javier Esposito : This is the elevator's cam. Our victim gets on the elevator with the laundry basket. Takes it down to the basement, to put the kid's laundry into the washer.

  Kate Beckett : Mm-hmm.

  Javier Esposito : Few minutes later, gets back on, goes all the way back up to the apartment. Then about forty minutes later, rides the elevator back down to the basement again.

  Kevin Ryan : We figured probably to take the kid's clothes out of the washer, put 'em in the dryer.

  Captain Roy Montgomery : Camera never picks her up again.

  Kevin Ryan : Only other person to ride the elevator down all the way to the basement during the next hour was the old lady who found the body.

  Javier Esposito : Mm-hmm

  Kate Beckett : So whoever attacked her must have used the stairwell, otherwise the camera would have caught him.

  Kevin Ryan : We got... three maintenance workers on duty that day. We'll run their names tonight.

  Richard Castle : Why only run the workers' names? Why not run all the neighbors' names?

  Kate Beckett : What are you basing that on?

  Richard Castle : I'm basing that on, the neighbor would make a better story.

  [the group snickers derisively] 

  Richard Castle : No, come on. What do any of us know about our neighbors in this city? You think the guy living next door to the Son of Sam knew he was living next door to the Son of Sam?

• Richard Castle : [discussing the victim]  Are you really the one who has to call her parents?

  Kate Beckett : Easier to write about than to live through, huh, Castle?

• Lanie Parish : Mr. Castle, nice to see you again.

  Richard Castle : Wish I could say the same, but my glasses are all scratchy. How often do they let you replace these?

  Kate Beckett : Not everybody has your budget, Castle.

• [Beckett is surprised to see him at the crime scene] 

  Richard Castle : Thought you ditched me back at the precinct, didn't you? Come on. Nanny McDead is found on spin dry. You don't think the captain's gonna let me in on that story?

  Kate Beckett : You're right, Castle. My bad.

  [she rolls her eyes and walks away] 

• Richard Castle : Let me guess. Gran cooked.

  Alexis Castle : Chicken masala.

  Richard Castle : And where is Hurricane Martha?

  Alexis Castle : In her room, taking a dramatic pause.

  Richard Castle : Leaving the mess for everyone else to clean up, as usual.

• Alexis Castle : If you're hungry, there are lots of leftovers.

  Richard Castle : Oh, thank you. I grabbed a slice on the way home.

  Alexis Castle : You really are turning into a cop.

  Richard Castle : [excited]  Yeah? Do you think?

• Kate Beckett : I understand that the two of you were dating.

  Brent Johnson : Yeah, till about a month ago.

  Kate Beckett : A month ago? What happened then?

  Brent Johnson : Nothing. We broke up.

  Richard Castle : Whose idea was that?

  Brent Johnson : It was a mutual thing, I guess.

  Kate Beckett : A mutual thing?

  [holding up a tape recorder, she presses the play button] 

  Brent Johnson : [on tape]  Hey, Sara, it's me. Look, just call me back, okay?

  [beep] 

  Brent Johnson : You can't just not call me back, Sara. Don't be a bitch.

  [beep] 

  Brent Johnson : Come on, Sara, I just want to talk to you. Look, I-I don't know why you can't just tell me who this other guy is. You know... you know what? You're just a little slut.

  [beep] 

  Kate Beckett : [turning the tape recorder off]  There's plenty more of those.

  Richard Castle : Yep. They make Alec Baldwin's messages sound like rainbows and unicorns.

  Brent Johnson : How did you get that?

  Kate Beckett : From your service provider.

  Richard Castle : A little advice... When you buy a pre-paid phone, don't use your credit card. Makes it totally traceable.

• Richard Castle : What about the guy in 8-B?

  Kate Beckett : Who?

  Richard Castle : 8-B. Quiet guy. You see him every day, only you never notice him. But he noticed Sara. She's young, beautiful. The kind girl a guy like him would never have a chance with. We all know girls like that, don't we? Well, at first it's just a game. Figure out her schedule. When does she do her laundry? When is she alone? Until it becomes something more, something that he can't control. Well, he uses the stairs, obviously, to avoid the elevator's cameras. And then he just waits, concealed in the shadows. When she comes into that laundry room, he pounces. When he looked into her vacant, lifeless eyes, he wanted to tell her, he never meant to kill her. All he ever wanted was to be noticed. That's when he felt the heat of that dryer on his skin. So he picks up her limp body in his arms, gently places it inside. He almost smiled at his good fortune when he found the quarter in his pocket, slipping it into the slot. Buying him the time to do what he does best... Disappear.

  [dramatic pause] 

  Richard Castle : Just saying, better story. Coffee?

  [Beckett half-smiles] 

  Captain Roy Montgomery : Let's see what we can find out about those neighbors. And someone better tell me who the hell lives in 8-B.

• Martha Rodgers : Hello, there. What are you up to?

  Richard Castle : Nothing.

  Martha Rodgers : Oh... you're not webcamming again, I hope.

  Richard Castle : I burned a DVD from security cameras that the police are looking at. And I've never webcammed.

  Martha Rodgers : That's your story and you're sticking to it, huh? The police just let you burn a DVD? You do realize you're gonna have to stop stealing evidence, right? I thought the whole purpose of following this detective around was to help you to write.

  Richard Castle : It's called research, Mother.

  Martha Rodgers : Ah. Well, you'd better hope this last Derrick Storm book sells, lover boy, because research don't pay the... bills.

• Kate Beckett : Not quite sure where you're going with this, Castle.

  Richard Castle : Up.

  [looking at his watch] 

  Richard Castle : All right, thirty-two seconds. It takes thirty-two seconds to get from the basement to the twelfth floor.

  Kate Beckett : [sarcastic]  Great. I'll alert the media.

  Richard Castle : Only the second time, it took her thirty-seven seconds.

  Kate Beckett : [her interest piqued]  Why would it take her five extra seconds?

  Richard Castle : Because the second time, she wasn't coming from the twelfth floor. She was coming from the...

  Kate Beckett : Fifteenth floor? This doesn't make any sense. The Petersons live on twelve.

  Richard Castle : Yeah, but I bet the guy who wears that condom lives on fifteen. By the way, that whole elevator thing, I just did that 'cause you smell nice.

  [Castle knocks on a random apartment door] 

  Kate Beckett : Castle, you can't just knock on people's doors.

  Richard Castle : Why not?

• Richard Castle : By the way, I really liked that whole, uh, sisterhood thing you ran back there.

  Kate Beckett : I wasn't running anything, Castle. What that guy did had consequences, only he'll get to just walk away.

  Richard Castle : Well, not scot-free. I mean, I sense a pretty big divorce settlement in his future.

  Kate Beckett : Whatever it is, it won't be enough.

• Javier Esposito : Hey, what happened with the husband?

  Kate Beckett : Oh, he was cheating, just not with our victim. Here, I need you to run it down. This is her name.

  Kevin Ryan : I'm telling you, true commitment's a thing of the past. I mean, name one happily married couple.

  Richard Castle : DeGeneres and De Rossi.

• Howard Peterson : You think I was having an affair with Sara?

  Richard Castle : Bingo.

  Howard Peterson : That is... That's crazy.

  Kate Beckett : Is it? We know that she stayed late some nights.

  Howard Peterson : Right. She helped us make dinner.

  Kate Beckett : Us? Well, what we heard was that she helped on the nights that your wife wasn't home.

  Howard Peterson : [realizing he's been caught]  First of all, it's not what you think.

  Richard Castle : [sarcastic]  When is it ever?

  Howard Peterson : And, yes, I was having an affair.

  Kate Beckett : So what happened?

  Howard Peterson : What do you mean, what happened? I cheated. I strayed. Whatever you want to call it.

  Kate Beckett : I mean in the laundry room.

  Howard Peterson : What?

  Kate Beckett : You just said that you...

  Howard Peterson : Yes, I was having an affair, but it wasn't with *Sara*, for God sakes. It was with another woman in my office.

• Richard Castle : [on phone with Beckett]  Really? Do they do those at night? No, for sure. I'm just... I'm just touched that you thought of me... Oh, ordered to call me. I see.

• Richard Castle : So what's the plan

  Kate Beckett : To get everyone out of this alive.

  Kate Beckett : Good plan.

• [last lines] 

  Alexis Castle : Dad?

  Richard Castle : Mm-hmm

  Alexis Castle : Thanks for being my nanny.

  Richard Castle : No sweat, kiddo.