Family Guy (TV Series)

The Man with Two Brians (2008)

Danny Smith: Buzz Killington, Abraham Lincoln, Crocodile

Quotes 

• Brian Griffin : I can't believe you got a new dog. Wh-what about me?

  Peter Griffin : Hey, you're still my buddy. New Brian is just a new friend for the family. Trust me, you guys are gonna get along better than Abraham Lincoln and his neighbor.

  [cutaway] 

  Abraham Lincoln : [leaving his house]  Hey, Dale, I noticed your lawn's getting a little high.

  Dale : Yeah. I used to have a guy for that. Dick.

  Abraham Lincoln : Okay, now, you have a good one.

• Brian Griffin : [refusing Stewie's request to come home]  I'm not going back as long as that new dog is there. As long as he's a part of that family, there's no place for me.

  Stewie Griffin : Well, I can't say I blame you. I hate him as much as you do, Brian. He's a bad fit, like a crocodile at an alligator rally.

  [cut to a school gymnasium, where a group of alligators is meeting] 

  Alligator Rally Leader : Yeah! Lurking in the water with our eyes poking out!

  [cheers] 

  Alligator Rally Leader : Sneaking up on a crane or an egret and snapping our jaws on it!

  [more cheers] 

  Crocodile : And sometimes walking out onto a dry plane or dusty field because it's nice to get out of the swamp now and then!

  [the alligators start to cheer, which then turns to confusion] 

  Alligator Rally Leader : Wait, what? Huh?

  Crocodile : Dry plain? Dusty field? Nice to get out of the swamp?

  Alligator : What a crock!

  Man on Chair : [pull out to him watching on TV]  And that's where we get the term.

• Stewie Griffin : Hey, New Brian. Oh, I see you're having pie. You know, pie isn't really pie without Cool wHip. Everything's better with Cool wHip. Did you hear what I said?

  New Brian : Yeah. What about it?

  Stewie Griffin : It doesn't bother you the way I pronounce it? Cool wHip?

  New Brian : No. Why would it?

  Stewie Griffin : Cool wHip. I'm putting emphasis on the "H."

  New Brian : Sounds right to me.

  Stewie Griffin : Nothing ever bothers you, does it?

  New Brian : No, not really. I like everything.

  Stewie Griffin : God, he's a bigger buzzkill than Buzz Killington.

  Buzz Killington : [pan over to him]  Stewie, do you know why W.S. Gilbert was frequently drunk on his trans-Atlantic crossings?

  Stewie Griffin : No.

  Buzz Killington : Because he was quartered on the port side.

  [chuckling at his joke] 

  Buzz Killington : Now that I've got you, let's both revisit the birth of the Doyle Carte Opera Company.

  Stewie Griffin : [disdainfully pinching the bridge of his nose]  Ahh!