Peacemaker (TV Series)
A Whole New Whirled (2022)
John Cena: Christopher Smith, Peacemaker
Photos
Quotes
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Christopher Smith : I made a vow to have peace. No matter how many people I have to kill to get it.
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John Economos : Oh, my God. Could you at least take your helmet off? You're going to get dressing all over it.
Christopher Smith : Dressing's easier to get off this helmet then human lip. That's a fucking fact.
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Christopher Smith : I'm into old-fashioned stuff, too. Hummel figurines, capital punishment, Garbage Pail Kids, and stuff.
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Leota Adebayo : Although I do appreciate the confidence with which you said something so wrong.
Christopher Smith : Oh, that's my thing. That, and having a big dick.
Leota Adebayo : Yep. Information I had no need for.
Christopher Smith : No, I'm serious. It's too big, actually. Causes people pain.
Leota Adebayo : Okay.
Christopher Smith : Kids in junior high, they called me "Chimp-Arm."
Leota Adebayo : Good night, sweet-cheeks.
Christopher Smith : "Sweet-cheeks."
[explained earlier that Sweet-cheeks refers to buttocks, that Chris didn't know then]
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Christopher Smith : Can I ask you something, Doc?
Dr. Alandy : Sure.
Christopher Smith : Can you maybe up the contrast on the X-ray a little more to show the definition in my muscles? This makes me look like one of those guys who works out only thinking about bulk. I put a lot of time into my small muscle groups, and according to this, it was just... wasted effort.
Dr. Alandy : It's not for your Tinder profile, Chris.
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Jamil : Oh, Peacemaker!
Christopher Smith : Yes!
Jamil : You only kill minorities, man!
Christopher Smith : I killed a fair amount of white people too!
Jamil : The ratio is suspect, is all I have to say!
Christopher Smith : If somebody's committing a crime...
Jamil : Yes?
Christopher Smith : am I supposed to control what their ethnicity is?
Jamil : No. But you need to watch white people as closely as you watch people of color, so you see more of them committing crimes!
Christopher Smith : Fine. That's... That's a good point. I will trust white people less in the future, and kill a higher percentage of them. Are you satisfied?
Jamil : Yes. Thank you.
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Agent Emilia Harcourt : Look, I have no interest in you other than your ability to fight for us. Just because you're handsome doesn't mean you're not a piece-of-shit murderer.
Christopher Smith : You think I'm handsome?
Agent Emilia Harcourt : Oh, my God, please fuck off.
Christopher Smith : Okay, look, I-- I've been in prison the last four years, okay? I haven't been with anyone-- I-- I haven't been with any woman in a long time. I'm not asking for emotional connection here. I'm just asking for fun. Genital-to-genital contact, no touching above here. No. Fuck it, it's gotta be here. I gotta touch your boobs. Sorry. Just trying to, I don't know, relieve some of the stress that's been building up over the years. I mean...
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Christopher Smith : Waller said do whatever I had to do to make sure those Project Starfish files didn't get out. I made the only choice I could.
Agent Emilia Harcourt : Funny, for you, how often the only choice and killing people coincides.
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Jamil : Why do you think I'm mopping floors, bro? I went to MIT. I don't like the responsibility.
Christopher Smith : You went to MIT?
Jamil : Oh, yeah.
Christopher Smith : [what] the fuck are you doing here?
Jamil : That's my fucking point, man! Why aren't you listening to me?
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Jamil : There's no superhero called Peacemaker.
Christopher Smith : Dude, I'm fuckin' famous.
Jamil : Not that famous. Aquaman, he's famous.
Christopher Smith : Fuck Aquaman!
Jamil : No, man, don't say that. Why say that?
Christopher Smith : He bangs chicks? Good for him. He fucks dudes? Got no problem with that. He starts fuckin' fish? That's taking it a step too far.
Jamil : Aquaman fucks fish?
Christopher Smith : Yeah.
Jamil : I don't believe it.
Christopher Smith : A guy on Twitter works for the aquarium, said for 50 bucks, he brings him in the back so he can have his way with a sturgeon
[fish]
Jamil : I refuse to believe that.
Christopher Smith : And I refuse to believe that @PepetheFrog89 is lying to me for no reason.
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John Economos : Eagly is your pet eagle?
Christopher Smith : Yeah.
Agent Emilia Harcourt : Is your dog named Doggy?
John Economos : Do you have a daughter named Daughtery?
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Christopher Smith : [Calling the Waitress] Hey, sweet-cheeks!
Leota Adebayo : Sweet cheeks? Seriously, dude?
Christopher Smith : She had cherubic cheeks. It's a compliment.
Christopher Smith : Sweet cheeks is your butt.
Christopher Smith : No, it's not.
Leota Adebayo : It is. It's like calling somebody, I don't know, sugar tits.
Christopher Smith : That's totally inappropriate. Her tits are way too big to be sugar tits. Sugar tits are, like, smaller, perkier tits. Like...
[to Agent Amelia Harcourt]
Christopher Smith : yours. Uh, technically, I think you may have sugar tits, too... but somehow that also feels inappropriate.